misslizzers (misslizzers) wrote,

Signs point to no

I went and saw Signs the other night - DON'T!! M. Knight Shaymalan has clearly lost his mind. It's not that he doesn't know how to make brilliant movies, it's that he's forgotten, and that is so much worse. Bad, director! Bad! Dammit! Bring me the head of the critic who said that he was the next Hitchcock!

Went to the gym last night and some girl told me I have a "swimmer's body." That is definitely a new one. I know she didn't mean anything by it, but the first word that came to mind was "buoyancy." Maybe I'm just paranoid.

It did feel great to be running again, though, and there were moments when I felt the elation that I've been missing lately. And this morning I still felt sort of high, like I could move myself without much effort. So I guess I'm becoming a workout junkie, but there are far worse things to be.

Favorite Conversation:
I got an email marriage proposal from my best friend today, very tempting. I told her that if we were still unmarried at 40, then lesbianism would be a very real option. And just think of what the quality of spousal rights will be like in 2019! This is a far more socially acceptable than our first scheme, which was having a joint harem. I think she found my unbridled enthusiasm for the idea a little off-putting, but really, it'd be great; you know, the maintenance man, the masseusse, the chartered accountant, the salsa instructor, several guys to look after the passal of children, it'd be great.

Top 5 ways to ensure your first date with me will be your last:
[clinically proven to be effective!]
5. Drink so much that you pour your beer on me while complaining that someone just spilled his beer on you.
4. Use words that you heard for the first time on Crank Yankers (think "bazongazonk")
3. Discuss your criminal record and ask enthusiastically, "Have YOU ever done time?"
2. Wear short shorts and/or a metallic see-through shirt.
1. Tell me your life's dream is to die in the service of Allah, taking down the American devil. (works every time!)
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