misslizzers (misslizzers) wrote,

Seven Ages of (Wo)Man/last January

I'm in a cabaret at the Footlight Club and we open tonight! I'm excited; I'm in seven numbers and I have fun in all of them, and there are a couple I'm not in that I absolutely love watching whenever they're rehearsed.

For my part I am: part of the Egg in Sperm Ballet, which is our opening act, performed by blacklight, complete with glow-in-the-dark sperm; I am obsessed with Robert Goulet in Hello 12, Hello 13; I am going full-throttle with the teen angst in My Junk; I am rocking the 3-part harmonies with Rob and Eleza in I Wish I Could Go Back to College; I am a sassy little dancing French maid in 9 to 5; I am the maid of honor in Getting Married as we all pretend not to watch Eleza come unglued; and I am brandishing a cane and affecting a palsy in It's Time to Start Living. And what I'm most excited about is for the first time ever I choreographed a number - Two Ladies from Cabaret with a capital C. Rob, Fish and Liz Bean are hilarious! And it's pretty saucy if I do say so. There is one hand gesture in particular that gives this show a PG-13 rating.

Should you be in the area, tickets are only 5 bucks! We run at 8pm this Thurs/Fri/Sat.

And here's what was happening in my world in January. Featured commentors include: Joey Arbeely, Danielle Bowlin, Rich Burns, Jason Cristofaro, Jimmy Daley, Denise Davis, Susan Doran, Maureen Festa, Healey Gabison, Dan Goldstone, Eleza Kort, Dan Kotler, Steph Luzzi, Brian Moyer, Andy O'Brien, Sue Rella, Susan Rubin, Rachel Smallwood, Jake Stults, Mike Torres, Jen Toth, Janet Wertman

Liz attended the inaugural meeting of supper club Grand Cayman! Kristina made yummy fried plantains and hoppin' john (Southern NYDay tradition) and I taught myself how to make Caymanian style fish! Then we all played a cutthroat game of rummykube.

Liz wonders what Native Americans thought of Avatar. Too soon?
Ji: Yes, too soon for "Dances with Wolves in Space."
Susan D: All I remember from "Dances with Wolves" is the Ta-tanka scene. And that is just the way I like it.
Ri: Too soon? It's still happening. Only it's not the 7th Cavalry these days, it's multinationals and government bureaucrats.

[Susan posts a childhood video of us performing Christmas songs.]
Liz would like to sue her six-year-old self for defamation of character.
H: I think that may be the funniest thing I've seen all week. Thanks ladies for sharing . . .
Ri: That was the shit!
Je: Haha - that was awesome! I love how it's like, "ok, Susan . . . now! Now I twirl and you skip!!" And then you grab her, "Now you must twirl! I skip!!" Hahah!!
Liz D: Ah yes, my early choreography lacked a certain grace. You're not supposed to see the puppeteer pull the strings! Bad Lizard!
Je: I have to say though, you have a super cute nose. Random, probably, but I was thinking, "man, that's a cute nose!" from 6 years old to present.
Liz D: Hah! Thanks. You know what else hasn't changed? I still roll my eyes when I make a mistake on stage.
Liz D: Oh, and in case you missed my previous commentary: now you get to watch me prance around like a miniature stepford wife, and "conduct" Susan's singing by covering her face with my hand. Also, WHY DID MY MOTHER DRESS ME IN MOM SLACKS? THE ELASTIC BAND IN THOSE PANTS IS GRAZING MY RIBS. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO SEW A TINY BOW TIE ONTO THAT TURTLENECK? Is it too late to call child protective services?
Ri: Ha Hahahahaaha!
Je: It's sort of like how when I look at my school pictures through elementary school, I realize that my mom didn't care much for combing my hair. My pants were also that high, and ruffled and weird bows were placed in random places. I wonder if kids today will look back in 25 years and say, "Why did my mom dress me like a ho-bag?" considering some of the options today.
Mi: I'm pretty sure there's some precedent for the case. You should have no trouble finding a lawyer [link to a Simpson's clip]

Jan: I'm sure you know about this but I've been seeing a resurgence of Polaroid fever - including film being sold at Urban Outfitters . . .

Liz: Things I will not miss about Grand Cayman: Turo the wino who seems to be stalking me all over the West Bay. Things I will miss: pretty much everything else. Just had a gorgeous last beach day! Glorious.
Ri: Turo is just misunderstood . . .
B: You must smell like wine.
Liz D: No, I think it's just my alabaster complexion that screams "Tourist!" Whatever the reason, Turo keeps buying me watermelon sodas and insisting I talk to him. Also, he loves to shout at me everytime I'm trying to carefully bike my way through traffic without getting flattened.

Liz is back on American soil!
E: See you tonight!
B: Sweet. :-)
Jas: Well it will make life easier now that you don't have to carry a coffin of it with you wherever you go.

Je: I sure hope I have your cell # right or someone else got a picture of me yesterday!

Liz's team won first place in trivia! Again! I wish I could take credit for the win, but I am so tired my face is falling off, and trivial knowledge was the first thing to go.

Liz wants to know if anybody has a refrigerator box they aren't using. Flashdance Electric Boogaloo is happening, people!
Step: Lizard, have you taken up breakdancing?
Liz D: I have four days to learn!
Stev: I've got one but it is going to be my retirement home. Hee-hee.

Liz: In lieu of a crimping iron, I got Miss Laura to cornrow my hair. By this time tomorrow night I will be the poor man's Jennifer Beals!

Susan R: Like, totally rad, and most excellent flashback! Thanks so much!!!! :-)

Liz is sorry for all the mean things she said about Allston.
Ma: When my friend Doug and I lived there in college, he called it "Allston, the city that glitters the city that shines" from all the broken glass from the car break ins.
Jo: Allston sucks. Really it does.
Susan R: I work there. It's depressing.

Liz was a finalist in the sock hop dance off!
E: Not surprising AT ALL :-)

Liz was cast in a short film solely on the basis of her willingness to do jumping jacks, topless. Please don't tell my mom.
Ra: Gotta do whatcha gotta do.
Ji: If I had a nickel for every time . . .
Jak: Hopefully you are not friends with your mom on facebook or your cover would already be blown . . .
Sue: Ow. No sports bra, even?
Mi: I'd go see it.
Dani: Oh man, that sounds painful!
Dan K: So this is a Zucker Bros film, yes?
A: Han Ji's high school gym teacher came out one day and said, "Alright! All of the boys, go off to the court and play basketball. Girls, line up! This is a test and you're going to be jumping rope!" He was fired shortly thereafter.
Liz D: Painful - hah! This is the role I was born to play, if you consider that I am shaped like an hourglass whose time is about to run out.

Liz is monitoring wait times at the DMV. It reads like a personal invitation from the commissioner for me to not renew my license.
Dan G: Do it online for sure!

Liz could use a pound of chocolate and a good explanation. While I'm at it, a good pair of winter boots couldn't hurt, either.
Dan K: What? What happened? What do you need explained?

De: Thanks for the meat wrapped in meat! (yum)

Liz is making a last-minute trip down to Wappingers Falls, Jersey City, and Brooklyn starting tonight! Hollah at me if you're free.
Dani: We might be heading that way this summer. First time for Adam to go to NY. We'll keep you posted on details . . . we'd love to meet up. Maybe we can even make it to Boston.
Liz D: That would be so great! Either way, let's figure out a time to get together. Right on.

Dan G: OMG, this doppelganger is perfect for you! [Minnie Driver]

Liz is having a weekend full of conversations with her best girls, stuffing her face at the zeppelin beer hall, and carousing with family. Last night I crashed a 50th bday party to hang out with my drunken aunts and uncles in Manhattan. Got up to sing White Rabbit and the DJ wouldn't let me stop singing '60's karaoke songs. Tore that place up!
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