misslizzers (misslizzers) wrote,

itunes meme

I was scrolling back through posts from a few years ago, and I rediscovered this meme I took. It's simple: you hit shuffle and ask your ipod a series of questions which it will psychically answer . . . through song. Here we go.

How am I feeling?
Poor Little Rich Boy/Regina Spektor

All day I have been trying to remember exactly what I've been doing so that someday when my grandkids ask what my life was like when the American economy completely collapsed I'll be able to tell them.  A quick look at my pants will tell you that I'm not a boy, but am I poor?  Am I rich?  All I know is I'm not planning on opening my retirement fund statement any time soon.  Oh, and livejournal is refusing to dispense with the bold font.  Thanks for that.  Jerks.

Will I get far in life?
Salesman at the Day of the Parade/Rogue Wave

Oh lawsy.  I may not have many job responsibilities right now, but at least I'm not selling anything.  And man, do I hate parades.  Drink up - sounds like it's going to be a steady decline from here on out.

How do my friends see me?
She/The Monkees

"I know just why she keeps me hanging round.  She needs someone to walk on so her feet don't touch the ground.  But I love her.  I need her.  I want her." Uhh, guys, WHAT KIND OF A SICK FRIENDSHIP IS THIS??  If you're not too busy being a Friend Carpet, maybe you could take an afternoon off and talk to a mental health professional.

Where will I get married?
The Great Salt Lake/Band of Horses

Does anyone know any charming, intelligent and devastatingly attractive  Mormons?  Cus I sure don't.

What is my best friend's theme song?
Solsbury Hill/Peter Gabriel

Is it just me, or is this song about somebody who thinks he's the second coming?  I guess that makes me an apostle.  Geez, thanks for telling me, dude.  No I don't really feel like fighting the ultimate battle between good and evil for the fate of all mankind.  I thought we were just here for a beer and a little karaoke.

What is the story of my life?
We Danced Together/The Rakes

Look, ipod, I know I'm a total dance whore.  Guilty as charged. 

What was high school like?
The Great Mosquito from the Palisades Is Out to Get Us/Sufjan Stevens
Mosquitos?  Check.  Persecution complex?  Oh yes.  Who *wasn't* out to get us?

How can I get ahead in life?
The Good, the Bad/Ennio Morricone

If I'm not mistaken, this is the theme song for The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.  Soooo I guess my only course of action is to become a ruthless gunslinger and search for buried Confederate gold.  Yeah!  Who needs a 7million dollar buyout?  Real Americans pull themselves up by their gun holsters and steal everything that isn't nailed down.

What is the best thing about me?
One Life Away/M. Ward. 

Well, according to this song, the best thing about me is that I live above ground and I'm easy.  M. Ward, you sweet talker, you.

How is tomorrow going to be?
Baby's Got Sauce/G. Love & Special Sauce

OMG FINALLY I am going to get a chance to hit someone in the head with a frying pan and have him love me forever.  I think the trick is to hit hard enough to get your point across, but not so hard that it's personality-altering. 

What is in store for this weekend?
Road to Joy/Bright Eyes


What song describes my parents?
The Night/Morphine

Yes, I would concur that it is the middle of the night all over the eastern seaboard.  Sleep tight, guys!

My grandparents?
I'd Rather Dance with You (than Talk with You)/Kings of Convenience

All kidding aside, this actually makes me really sad.  My grandfather has been dancing three times a week for probably my whole life.  But this past year he and another guy collided and fell on the dance floor, and he's sworn off dancing for fear of breaking a hip.  It's heartbreaking for me to think of.

How is my life going?

"It may be years until the day my dreams will match up with my pay."  Sing it, Feist.  Yeah, this is right on the money.  Life is good, I'm all content and such, but I confess to spending a good amount of time in future fantasy land.

What song will they play at my funeral?
When Doves Cry/The Be Good Tanyas

Somebody call the executor of my will!  ipod, let's do lunch.  You can help me plan my whole rock star funeral.

How does the world see me?
Pagina Dos/Prefuse 73

Page two?  Is that like the op/ed section?  I do have kind of a big mouth.

Will I have a happy life?
Lounge (Closing Time)/Modest Mouse

If by happy you mean closing out bars full of pornographers and musicians in a haze of substance abuse night after night.  In other words, Yes!  This totally suits my lifestyle of gunslinging vigilante but what the crap am I going to tell Mr. Mormon?   

What do my friends really think of me?
Best of Jill Hives/Guided by Voices

"I don't know where you find your nerve."  Yeah, that seems to be a pretty commonly held sentiment.  Me either!  I think it's my weak barometer for danger.  I'm not fearless so much as I am oblivious.

Do people secretly lust after me?
Poster of a Girl/Metric

Since this song is all about poaching random young guys at clubs as they soil themselves in anticipation, I would have to say that that is high praise indeed, ipod. 

How can I make myself happy?
Wild Thing/Tone Loc

Ipod, you slut!  So what you're telling me is that the true path to happiness is to have random sex with rap stars I meet in clubs, and guys I meet at the Poughkeepsie Galleria and lure back to my parents' living room floor.  Also, Tone Loc would like to remind me that being a groupie is the path to true happiness, as long as I remember not to ask him for $50 dollars for making him holler.  

What should I do with my life?
It Was a Good Day/Ice Cube

From now on I guess I will be giving up pork and becoming a competitive domino player so that I can get stoned and hook up with all the people I had crushes on in high school and drink as much as I possibly can without throwing up.  Why is Ice Cube not a career counselor?

Will I ever have children?
Like a Call/Architecture in Helsinki

Apparently breeding is my vocation.  Finally, good news for the Mormon.

What is some good advice for me?
Alpha Desperation March/The Mountain Goats

I swear, I think this was the exact same advice itunes gave me two years ago.  Uhh, friends?  Remember all that stuff you said about how I walk on you?  Get this - now I'm actually going to come to your houses, break down the door and demand that you pay me $8,000.  Hey, I admit when I'm wrong.  Personal checks would be fine.

What is my signature dancing song?
Gay Bar/Electric Six

Too true.

What is my current theme song?
Staralfur/Sigur Ros

Etherial, moody, and speaking absolute gibberish.  That's me!

What do other people think my theme song should be?
Post Modern Girls/The Strokes & Regina Spektor

Right on.  Modernism is so five minutes ago.

What type of men do I like?
The Floating Bed/Eliot Goldenthal

Since this is from the Frida soundtrack, I guess I am doomed to love artistic womanizers who are generously proportioned and full of epic passion. 
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