misslizzers (misslizzers) wrote,

Welcome to Biblevania

A friend of mine sent me this little gem this morning - oh wait, it's a bitmap, and therefore not supported by livejournal. Anyway, it's a campaign button that says:
Attention Sarah Palin:
Jesus was a community organizer.
Pontius Pilate was a governor.

ZING!  Ah, religious inside jokes and the liberals who aren't afraid to make them.  This reminds me of something Thomas said to me the other day.  I met his roommate and apparently made some vaguely jesus-ey comment, which led to the roommate asking him later if I was a Bible-thumper.  This strikes me as kind of funny - even in my younger days at the height of my religiousity I was always liberal first, religious second, cultural relativist before I even knew the term, and kind of a deist - and most people would make roughly that correct assumption within seconds of meeting me.  It's also funny because I have no idea what it is that I said, which leads me to wonder how much jesus-speak has casually crept into my language.  I treat the Catholic lexicon the same way I treat the latest hip-hop slang or the most farcical New England Puritan diction - it's all fair game.  But I guess I should be careful because these are polarized times and there is not the same risk of someone hearing me talk and assuming that I am promoting my forthcoming rap album or that I am the first mate on a whaling vessel the way they might assume that I am some kind of a homophobic creationist who spends my Saturdays picketing abortion clinics and denying the evidence of global warming. 

Off the top of my head, these are things that I say that have a particular Roman Catholic flavor:

Jesus H Christ!
Thank the sweet baby Jesus.
For the love! 
[Short for "For the love of God" or in extreme Bible-thumpey provinces "For the love of Pete" who I am assuming is Pete of first apostle fame, and therefore the most religious figure whose name doesn't actually count as blasphemy.]
The Lord works in mysterious ways/The Lord helps those who helps themselves [I think my sister and I have been saying these phrases ironically since borrowing them from some southern kids' movie.  Therefore they are always said with a hint of southern accent that makes them identifyably ironic, much like no one in their right mind would hear someone say "Jesus, Mary and Joseph" in an Irish brogue and think they were devoutly praying.]
Saints preserve us!/Heaven forfend! [These are really only applicable to moments when I am speaking as an historical NE Puritan or an upper-crust Victorian who has the vapors.]

That's all I can think of at the moment.  I still don't know what it is I said.  Incidentally, here are some legitimately Bible-thumpey things I know I didn't say, because I would never say them even ironically:

It's all part of God's plan! 
Everything happens for a reason!
Let's pray on it.

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