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Saturday, March 22nd, 2003
8:11a - Lovely and Amazing
At the same time that I am appalled by the cold-hearted hypocrisy and primitive, polarized world-view of my country, I can't lose faith in all humanity, because the people in my life fucking rock. I went out with J. last night to Van Gogh's ear to hear this big fat greek band. He's scheming to get me together with one of his friends - this time there seems to be full disclosure, which I appreciate. And it may not be completely selfless, but I won't fault him if we both win. He's been much milder lately, much better at listening and kicking out obsessions. At one point he said he really wished he had some poems to dig into, so I handed over a few old ones. His suggestions on the first one were right on - the second one, I could not figure out why he couldn't get it, and I was frustrated and ready to can it for later. He kind of lashed out at me - it's not a piece of shit, don't ever say that, I'm obsessed with it now, we'll make it work. And after half an hour of hashing it out, he saw his way through it, and talked some sense into it, and I think he may just have had the medical breakthrough that saved this little, confusing poem's life. It's so great to have a sounding board again.

Also, M. is one of my favorite people on the planet to talk to. I feel awkward talking about stuff that's bothering me while I'm at work - not that that stops me, it just makes me feel awkward. But once in a while, he'll ask for an update. And he doesn't just ask and then take off - he keeps asking the next question. And he's smart about it, and fiercely loyal in his judgements, and he has such sensitivity to any kind of suffering or disfunction, and on top of that, he's fucking funny.

I love that I work at a place where there are a number of people I can start talking to on my way out and wind up standing there for half an hour.

Oh yeah, and I'm running again, and I think it's making me operate on a more blissed out level. Maybe that's why I'm so full of praise this morning. It's either that or the chocolate donut I just ate.

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