For those of you playing at home, put your iTunes on shuffle, ask a question, and forward to the next song for the answer.
Here we go:
How am I feeling today?
Hoist that Rag/Tom Waits
That's right, workweek, I surrender. Time to go home.
Will I get far in life?
Crap. This song is off a compilation of music from the 19teens, when being an Indian Squaw was about the most unfortunate thing you could be. Not only will I not "get far" I suppose I should consider myself lucky if nobody runs me off my land or hands me a smallpox-laden blanket. This does explain why I was disenfranchised in the last election, though.
How do my friends see me?
Left Hand Suzuki Method/Gorillaz
O . . . K. So my friends either think I'm a musician, I am billingual in Japanese, or I prefer bong hits. None of these are true.
Where will I get married?
Do you speak English, iTunes? I said *where* not *when.* But if you're correct, it is going to be a verrrry interesting 24 hours. My mom is going to be so pissed.
What is my best friend's theme song?
Joe Turner Blues/Big Joe Turner
Ok, best friend: the good news is you have the potential to break new ground in music and make it into the rock & roll hall of fame. The bad news is, your art will be fueled by a lifelong depression, and you will have diabetes AND a stroke before you die of a heart attack. I am so, so sorry.
What is the story of my life?
Wet Nurses' Dance/Stravinsky
Uh oh. Since I have no plans to attend nursing school, I suppose this means I should start looking for a farm where a passal of kids will be more of an asset than a liability.
What was high school like?
Theme to the Tiki Wonder Hour/Combustible Edison
Hmm. High school was farcical and totally irrelevant to modern life. Very perceptive, iTunes.
How can I get ahead in life?
Wait, there's "something" I can do, or the "something in the way [I] move" is going to allow me to sleep my way to the top? Must you be so infernally vague?
What is the best thing about me?
They'll Need a Crane/They Might Be Giants
You cut to the core of me, iTunes.
How is today going to be?
Rock and Roll/Velvet Underground
That's what I thought. Giddy up.
What is in store for this weekend?
I would be sooooo much more excited about this if it wasn't for the Wet Nurses comment.
What song describes my parents?
Who's that Girl?/Madonna
WHAT??? So I'm adopted now??? Well, I guess that would explain some things.
What the . . . iTunes, are you implying . . . oh, wait, no, I did have two maternal grandfathers. Ok. Very good.
How is my life going?
Dallas Blues/Marie Cahill
Yes, I would have to agree that having a Texan in the White House is a cause for depression.
What song will they play at my funeral?
Flop Eared Mule/Ed Haley
Now you're just being rude.
How does the world see me?
Sacrificial Dance (The Chosen One)/Stravinsky
Wow, I guess I'm not fooling anyone if even iTunes can pick up on my messianic complex.
Will I Have a Happy Life?
Humphrey's Jig/Ed Haley
A) I have way too much roots music on my computer. B) Who doesn't like a good jig? Yay! Happy life.
What do my friends really think of me?
Yeah, I'm so street.
Do people secretly lust after me?
We Tigers/Animal Collective.
Ok, so either people are dying to tear into my flesh, OR I can add tigers to the growing list of mammals who are interested in pursuing an adult relationship with me. [See also: Mice; Toly's dog Archie who came within 3 inches of fucking me in my sleep - thank God he wasn't better endowed.]
How can I make myself happy?
Alpha Desperation March/The Mountain Goats
The moral of this song is that I should be breaking down the doors of people who owe me money, and then I will be truly happy. Ok, guys, come out willingly, and nobody gets hurt.
What should I do with my life?
Poor Little Rich Boy/Regina Spector
That's the best advice I've heard all day, iTunes! But how will I find a rich guy to marry by tomorrow? Man, they are going to make a movie out of this weekend.
Will I ever have children?
Bron-Y-Aur Stomp/Led Zeppelin
So what you're telling me is that not only will I have children, they will be extremely rambunctious. Wonderful.
What is some good advice for me?
Fuck Me Kitten/REM
ITunes, are you hitting on me?
What is my signature dancing song?
The Floating Bed/Elliot Goldenthal
What is my current theme song?
Yeah, that about covers the spiritual quest I mentioned a few posts ago.
What do other people think my theme song is?
Surfing on a Rocket/Air
Yep, living dangerously and making it look good.
What type of men do I like?
Well, any man that can make me purr like Lucinda is ok in my book.