misslizzers (misslizzers) wrote,

Ouija Board for One

I'm stealing this quiz from Hugh's myspace because I sure get tired of asking my magic 8 ball what the future has in store for me. Instead, I'm going to ask iTunes to give me the cosmic heads up.

For those of you playing at home, put your iTunes on shuffle, ask a question, and forward to the next song for the answer.

Here we go:

How am I feeling today?
Hoist that Rag/Tom Waits
That's right, workweek, I surrender. Time to go home.

Will I get far in life?
Indian Squaw
Crap. This song is off a compilation of music from the 19teens, when being an Indian Squaw was about the most unfortunate thing you could be. Not only will I not "get far" I suppose I should consider myself lucky if nobody runs me off my land or hands me a smallpox-laden blanket. This does explain why I was disenfranchised in the last election, though.

How do my friends see me?
Left Hand Suzuki Method/Gorillaz
O . . . K. So my friends either think I'm a musician, I am billingual in Japanese, or I prefer bong hits. None of these are true.

Where will I get married?
Do you speak English, iTunes? I said *where* not *when.* But if you're correct, it is going to be a verrrry interesting 24 hours. My mom is going to be so pissed.

What is my best friend's theme song?
Joe Turner Blues/Big Joe Turner
Ok, best friend: the good news is you have the potential to break new ground in music and make it into the rock & roll hall of fame. The bad news is, your art will be fueled by a lifelong depression, and you will have diabetes AND a stroke before you die of a heart attack. I am so, so sorry.

What is the story of my life?
Wet Nurses' Dance/Stravinsky
Uh oh. Since I have no plans to attend nursing school, I suppose this means I should start looking for a farm where a passal of kids will be more of an asset than a liability. 

What was high school like?
Theme to the Tiki Wonder Hour/Combustible Edison
Hmm.  High school was farcical and totally irrelevant to modern life.  Very perceptive, iTunes.

How can I get ahead in life?
Something/The Beatles
Wait, there's "something" I can do, or the "something in the way [I] move" is going to allow me to sleep my way to the top?  Must you be so infernally vague?

What is the best thing about me?
They'll Need a Crane/They Might Be Giants
You cut to the core of me, iTunes.

How is today going to be?
Rock and Roll/Velvet Underground
That's what I thought.  Giddy up.

What is in store for this weekend?
Super Sex/Morphine
I would be sooooo much more excited about this if it wasn't for the Wet Nurses comment.  

What song describes my parents?
Who's that Girl?/Madonna
WHAT???  So I'm adopted now???  Well, I guess that would explain some things.

My grandparents?
Double Bass/Gorillaz
What the . . . iTunes, are you implying . . . oh, wait, no, I did have two maternal grandfathers.  Ok.  Very good.

How is my life going?
Dallas Blues/Marie Cahill
Yes, I would have to agree that having a Texan in the White House is a cause for depression.  

What song will they play at my funeral?
Flop Eared Mule/Ed Haley
Now you're just being rude.

How does the world see me?
Sacrificial Dance (The Chosen One)/Stravinsky
Wow, I guess I'm not fooling anyone if even iTunes can pick up on my messianic complex.

Will I Have a Happy Life?
Humphrey's Jig/Ed Haley
A) I have way too much roots music on my computer.  B) Who doesn't like a good jig?  Yay!  Happy life.

What do my friends really think of me?
Downtown/Neil Young
Yeah, I'm so street.

Do people secretly lust after me?
We Tigers/Animal Collective.
Ok, so either people are dying to tear into my flesh, OR I can add tigers to the growing list of mammals who are interested in pursuing an adult relationship with me.  [See also: Mice; Toly's dog Archie who came within 3 inches of fucking me in my sleep - thank God he wasn't better endowed.]

How can I make myself happy?
Alpha Desperation March/The Mountain Goats
The moral of this song is that I should be breaking down the doors of people who owe me money, and then I will be truly happy.  Ok, guys, come out willingly, and nobody gets hurt.

What should I do with my life?
Poor Little Rich Boy/Regina Spector
That's the best advice I've heard all day, iTunes!  But how will I find a rich guy to marry by tomorrow?  Man, they are going to make a movie out of this weekend.

Will I ever have children?
Bron-Y-Aur Stomp/Led Zeppelin
So what you're telling me is that not only will I have children, they will be extremely rambunctious.  Wonderful.

What is some good advice for me?
Fuck Me Kitten/REM
ITunes, are you hitting on me?

What is my signature dancing song?
The Floating Bed/Elliot Goldenthal
Right on.

What is my current theme song?
Jesus, Etc./Wilco
Yeah, that about covers the spiritual quest I mentioned a few posts ago.

What do other people think my theme song is?
Surfing on a Rocket/Air
Yep, living dangerously and making it look good.

What type of men do I like?
Righteously/Lucinda Williams
Well, any man that can make me purr like Lucinda is ok in my book.

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