Dear Pretend Diary

And now I bring you May 2009

2009-12-23T16:57:27Z

In a few short hours I leave for four family fun days in New York, including Christmas in Greenville, which is always a blast, from the shrimp cocktail served in actual cocktail glasses, to the beef wellington, to the afterparty, to the sleepover party, to brunch the next day. This year I will be doing a photo shoot of my dad to document the day. Really looking forward to it.

And THEN I'm heading to Grand Cayman for 11 days. I will be turning 31 hanging out on a beach with Kristina! She lives there now and I'm staying with her for the first week. I am so totally psyched for this.

Here is what I was up to back in May with the following guest commentors: Hugh Beckett, Aaron Blohowiak, Rich Burns, Dave Chin, Alyc Clark, Zach Davis, Susan Doran, Annie Garrity, Tom Kerrigan, Liz Laneri, Steph Luzzi, Greg Marano, Matt Marrone, Patrick O'Hanlon, Rob Riley, Susan Rubin, Noah Tobin, Linda Lea Wells, Darin Wolpert

Liz is Jennifer Grey aka "Frances 'Baby' Houseman."
Ri: Nobody puts you in a corner.
Liz D: At least not now that I learned . . . to DANCE! Wow, I really am Jennifer Grey. Does this mean I have to get a nose job now?
Ri: Ha! No, no, your nose is fine.

Liz accidentally kicked her chair over in the middle of Cell Block Tango last night. Of all the numbers to start throwing furniture in, I guess I picked the right one.
N: I thought I heard a crash! Wasn't sure if it was just stomping feet, though. Hilarious.
Dar: That chair had it comin'.
Liz D: If you'd have seen it, I betcha you would have done the same!

Liz accomplished more last weekend than a world leader with a meth habit.
Ri: Like the ex-mayor of DC, that is if you call Marion Barry a world leader.
H: He would have been, if that bitch didn't set him up.
Ri: LOL! Yes, the best quote from any politician of his era "Bitch set me up!"

Liz is about to complete her 35th movie game!

Liz is Margot Tenenbaum.

Liz picked a pretty dreary day to start running home from work.
Ri: It's supposed to be warmer this afternoon . . .
Lin: Maybe it will be like yesterday - shittyshitshit and then . . . BEAUTIFUL.

Liz has been told she looks like: Minnie Driver, Clara Bow, Heather Matarazzo, Jennifer Connelly and Courtney Cox. No joke, someone at a wedding told me I reminded him of "Dawn Wiener . . . in a good way." I pretty much locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I'm glad to see she's really come into her own.
Liz L: I was also once told that I look like her.
Liz D: Yeah, but in a good way.
Liz D: Kidding! I don't see it at all. On a side note, every girl I know who's seen Welcome to the Dollhouse FELT like she was Dawn Wiener at that age.
Liz L: Ha, yes, I knew you were kidding. Welcome to the Dollhouse is one of my favorite movies.
Liz D: Oh, btw I would like to edit the above selection: I just remembered that quite a few people have told me I look like Renee Zellwiger so just superimpose her picture over Courtney Cox in your mind.
Al: I was watching Mariah Carey's concert on tv the other day and I kept being like, who is she reminding me of??? And I realized it was you . . . something about her face and manner that remind me of you . . . weird. But if you look, I think you could see it when she's doing her thing on stage.
Liz D: Weird! I can't say I've watched a lot of Mariah Carey in concert, but I will take that as a compliment.

Liz wonders: On a scale of 1-10, how much will I want to kill myself if I leave for the Cape at 5pm on Friday? 1 being: "It couldn't hurt to have my will notorized," and 10 being "My kingdom for a cyanide pill!"
Z: 10
Z: Trust the man whose mother lives there.
Ri: 10.5
Liz D: CURSES! If I try leaving at 4, will it make any difference, or is it still a lost cause?
Ri: It may move from a war to a barroom brawl . . . give or take a few punches.
P: It's still before Memorial Day, I'd say only a 6.3976.
An: 10. A better portion of my childhood was spent sitting in traffic on the way to the Cape. We usually left at 5am . . . But it will be great once you get there!
Z: It may be before Memorial Day, but it's still a holiday weekend. Four is better. Maybe an 8.
M: I hate you all.
Liz D: Uh, Matty, I'm the only one going to the Cape this weekend. Or do you mean that you are full of jealous hatred of everyone who has ever been to New England? I mean, it is pretty great here.
M: I thought half of Boston was going?
Susan D: You're very funny, mitten.
Liz D: Oh my sweet mitten, what have I DONE?!?!? ow ooh ooh uh ow.

Liz's sacral chakra is the most open.
Aa: Not a surprise at all!
Liz D: Hah! Yeah, Facebook, way to speak the truth! Did you take this yet?
Aa: Yeah, mine was the Crown chakra.
St: Um . . . gee . . . I'm shocked.

Liz was standing on line in the cafeteria when her "figure" was loudly praised by the former Miss Trinidad.
Aa: Snowbunny Liz!!!
Liz D: C'ai pay you a compamint?
Dav: Trey belle corps?
Liz D: Actually, no, she's my coworker and her English is superb.

Liz says, the thing about flashbacks is you can watch Sayid get hotter and watch Sawyer get . . . a little . . . puffy.
T: I was so confused by that episode, but I am calling that Charlie will be brought back, he had two key references in that episode.
Liz D: I WISH. I kind of stopped giving a crap about Lost when Charlie died. Also, I'm only confused about where they go from here. Either, tah dah! You were wrong and now Lost will be taking place in the Afterlife, or You were right and now Lost will be about a group of strangers who live in LA who happened to ride in an airplane together once. Not exactly riveting television.
T: Yeah, I don't know what's going to happen, I'm thinking that it's gonna appear that they are back to normal, but something else is gonna happen. Oh and also what is going on with Locke, I have no idea what's going on there.
Liz D: Um, to all my friends who haven't seen the season finale yet, EARMUFFS!! Locke is dead-duh-dead-dead-dead. The person who brought Ben to see Jacob is a shapeshifter - possibly the same person who has been appearing to just about everyone as their respective dead loved ones. I missed this, but apparently there is someone who has wanted to kill Jacob forever, but he couldn't do it outright and needed a "loophole" - the loophole was taking the shape of someone Jacob trusted, and bringing someone mad enough to off him.
T: A friend of mine thinks that this shapeshifter is the black smoke monster, which would explain how Ben's daughter showed u, adn why Christian Sheppard told Locke he had to die?
G: So were Nikki and Paolo shapeshifters too? I hope so. I'm still mad at the idea they ever existed.
Liz D: I kind of liked the Nikki and Paolo plot arc. It was one of the first tastes of how dead inside the writers would make you feel as you watched your favorite characters get killed off one by one. Best of all, their whole story line actually made frikkin' sense - and it only took one episode to wrap it up, instead of six years.
G: Dear Liz, I disagree. Love and hugs, Greg.

Liz suspects she would like Belle and Sebastian better if they were singing in French.
Ri: If they only sung like Mr. Brel . . .

Liz is Calvin Coolidge. What's cooler than being Coolidge? Liz Doran! No, seriously, the only thing he had I have in common is our fear of electronics. This quiz is whack, yo.
Ri: You were also both colleagues of Channing H. Cox and fans of the Kellog-Briand pact. Remember?
LIz D: Ah yes, and there's our great shared affection for spats and monocles and two-horsepower engines.

Liz knows how to deep fry things.
Susan R: Your status appeared right below Eleza's status, so, I figure if her new fish tank doesn't work out for the fish . . .
Liz D: I will deep-fry you a delicious bass!

Liz says singing You Know that I'm No Good is harder than I thought.
Ro: At least you didn't get any ice down your shirt this time.
Liz D: That might have been an improvement. Those ice cubes are gonna make me a staaah.

Liz has wanted to be a whale trainer, a day care owner, a river rafting guide, a writer, and a dance instructor when she grows up.

Liz is a Pharmacy Ph.D. Hahahahahahahah! Only two lessons!
Ro: Nerd.
Liz D: You're just mad because you spent 4 years in Pharmacy school and I got my Ph.D. from just hanging out with you.

Liz scored 66% on how well she knows Matt Marrone. Matty! How can I be expected to keep track of all your man crushes?

LIz is Max from Where the Wild Things Are. How do I dress up funny? Funny like a clown? Do I amuse you? POW.

Pieces of [this past] April

2009-12-16T15:50:40Z

Can I tell you how much I love Wednesdays? I have one Nia class down, one to go, and I get to take a nice breather by having 9 people over for dinner. Supper Club is tonight, and we have two new members joining us, and one is Ben from San Francisco! This is a coup, as he has a million places to be on these short trips, and as it turns out SEVEN of us around the table tonight will be Hair alums. To the other two I apologize, because I guarantee you are going to hear once again all about that time we got naked on stage and the fateful brownie incident.

Here's what I was up to in April. Guest commentors include: Rich Burns, Zach Davis, Susan Doran, Dan Goldstone, Dan Kotler, Matt Marrone

Liz wonders if Jennifer Anniston knows that every single day there is a FB ad with a new paparazzi picture of her that appears on my profile. I also wonder if FB is insinuating that I have a secret crush on Jennifer Anniston,or if they are trying to tell me that I need to look younger STAT.

Liz has laryngitis, and it isn't pretty - there are people with tracheotomies who have nicer singing voices.
Dan G: :-( Feel better!
Liz D: Thanks! I feel pretty ok. But at best I sound like a squeaky cartoon character.
Dan G: Better than a trachiatomy survivor, right? That is an improvement.
R: Get well soon, scratchy! :-)
R: I kid, seriously, get well soon!

Liz is going on a shopping bender. Hide your credit cards!
Dan K: What are you buying?
M: I guess my check is in the mail, moneybags?
S: Yeah, my shoe size is 7.5, if that helps.
Liz D: I took my own advice and only brought cash. I went shopping with Fish on Newbury Street - so all i Could afford was a very nice two-pack of tights. Matty - could I interest you in 15 free Nia classes? That is SO much more valuable than money.

Liz was just instructed to shake it like a polaroid picture. It's like Outcast is staking out her apartment or something.

Liz's new pedicure looks like it might be grape flavored.
R: Natural or artificial grape?
Liz D: About as natural as a pixy stick. Made with real organic pixies!
R: Ha ha ha! Organic is the wave of the future. :-)
Liz D: Never give a pixy recombinant bovine growth hormone - it gives them super-human strength and a taste for human flesh.
R: You don't have to tell me. I just settled my last wrongful death lawsuit over my recombinant bovine growth hormone fed pixy. You have no idea what it feels like when your experiments in horticulture go horribly wrong . . . If I can only give you one bit of advice, it's this: always lock the door of your greenhouse!

Liz is already planning her totally 80's birthday party . . . nine months in advance.
Dan G: If you keep going down a decade every year, soon you will be celebrating decades which happened before you were even born!
Liz D: Yeah, I know, I've been doing this for a long time. My 29th birthday party was an 1890's theme party - The Devil in the White City Masquerade Birthday Ball. When I hit 30 I started over from 1990.
Dan G: I figured that, if you had been doing this a long time the math wouldn't work out . . . well, hopefully I can make next year's party - the pics look like it was a great time! Break a leg tomorrow night!

Liz wants you to check out this interactive public service announcement about magazine cover photo retouching.
Z: While I wholeheartedly agree with a positive, realistic image of women on magazine covers, some of the points they made were ridiculous. Photo retouching does not equal evil on every single level, out-of-hand.
Liz D: Personally, I find it gratifying giving her a breast reduction over and over again. I don't think the mags are being evil, but I like how the site is trying to temper the effect this stuff has on young girls.
Z: Honestly, it was the "wrinkles on shirt removed" part that made me go, "Aw c'mon! Her damn SHIRT was wrinkled! Young girls SHOULD want to wear ironed clothes.
Z: Also remember it's my job to make sure pictures look good in advertisements, so I'm not the most objective observer . . .

Where were you in March 2009?

2009-12-15T16:49:27Z

The past few days have been emotionally, physically, and intellectually demanding in turn, to an outrageous degree. I kicked off this triathlon of sorts by making a grown man cry in a restaurant, and ended it last night with a stellar first date involving four hours of non-stop banter and three bottles of Schlitz. I am too distracted to even freak out about how much shopping I still have to do and how desperately I am lacking Nia funds to pay for said shopping. It's the most, craziest time, of the year.

Here are my posts from March 2009 with the following guest commentators: Rich Burns, Adam Costa, Martin Farawell, Mary Ferrara, Jameel Haque, Liz Laneri, Matt Marrone, Chuck Meyer, Jen Siegel, Noah Tobin, Mary Vriniotis, Janet Wertman, Austin Williams, Darin Wolpert

Liz can't stop watching the deleted heart attack scene from Step Brothers. Thanks, Snow Day!
R: Cheer yourself up and watch reruns of Sanford and Son.

Liz can't think of a nicer way to go profoundly deaf than last night's Last Live Band Karaoke Night EVER at the Milky Way.

Liz says a company health plan without a vision plan is discrimination against the disabled. In related news, my eyes are bankrupting me.
Mary F: Angel's plan doesn't have a dental plan, so is that discrimination against those who like sweets?
Liz D: Yes! Except you can work pretty much any job with bad teeth. But you cannot operate a forklift with no eyes. Flossing is optional and cheap, glasses are mandatory and expensive. It's just not fair.
Je: I hear you.

Liz can't decide if running six miles before tonight's class will kill her or only make her stronger.
R: It will just make you sweaty . . .
Jam: And stinky.
Liz D: A lady doesn't sweat, she perspires. And this lady perspires sweet-smelling ambrosia, I'll have you know.
R: But of course! By jove, I totally forgot! How thoughtless of me . . .

Liz wonders if she should novacaine her tongue in order to get through tonight's authentic Indian feast.
Jam: It depends . . . northern or southern Indian?
Liz D: It doesn't depend. I am so white that Salsa Verde Doritos could give me a sunburn.
Jam: Okay . . . huddle up . . . avoid anything that might be called vindaloo, go heavy on the rice and ask for yoghurt . . . if they're northern Indian types you could even ask for it in hindi/urdo . . . mei dahi chatahoo . . . I need yoghurt.
Liz D: Awesome. Thanks! The meal is being cooked by this girl's mom who was flown here straight from India. HOw do you say "my mouth hurts real bad" in Urdu?

Liz is looking forward to lunch.

Liz is checking out the Chicken Slacks tonight after Nia!

Liz will never need sleeping pills as long as she has a copy of The Big Lebowski.
R: LOL!
D: Well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Mary V: Are you saying that movie puts you to sleep??? What?!!
Jan: I've got one of those! Gertrude Stein's The Making of Americans!! Great book but . . .
Liz D: I don't know what it is, but The Big Lebowski is to me what a long car ride is to a baby - absolutely guaranteed to lull me to sleep. I fell asleep and could not be roused IN THE THEATER. I gave it another shot the other night and barely made it past the scene where they meet Jesus. I think that happened, though I could have been dreaming already.
Mary V: Hmmm . . . Maybe you were exceptionally tired to start with both times . . . have to make an afternoon attempt at my house sometime soon.
Liz D: It's a date! What are you doing this weekend?
Mary V: Hmm . . . depends on the weatehr . . . I don't want to commit to movie-watching if I'd rather be outside. Let's talk Friday and see if you're all booked or we can find a time.

Liz posted 21 friends, 42 questions
Mary F: Ha, I know, not many have been to my house, living with Mumzie at the moment, and she just actually had the whole house done over, it's really worth showing off . . . Not feeling the improv vibe these days, haven't been in a troupe in a couple of years (though I did do improv in the Comedy Explosion show at the Footlight last year, was a lot of fun). But next time I do I'll let you guys know.
Mary V: Hmmm . . . $100 . . . U2 is coming to Gilette in September . . .
R: Number 8: Cool. Thanks. Coco? Top? Please explain . . .
Liz D: See Fame.
R: Ah ha! Gotcha!
C: I'm sure Linda appreciates you not dating me, but I'm glad we can still hug! Aaaaaaand dance!
Jam: Hugh . . . I think she's on to something here . . .
Ad: LOL. "War injury." Nice wording there, Liz.
Mart: Oh, I'm actually choked up at being described so fondly. That's the big secret, I'm an old softy. And we've had bears come right through the screen to sit on our screened-in porch.

Liz is Facebooking her face off.

Liz is choreographing her last new song of the week and listening to her roommate listening to NPR listeners demand public executions of AIG executives.

Liz suspects that '80's night at the Common Ground might help to fill the Milky-Way-shaped hole in her life.
N: Wait . . . when is this? Allston is so my neck of the woods!
Liz D: Thursday nights!
Au: I miss Boston.

Liz would like you to know that the estimated value of the Economic Stimulus Prize is up to $62.50.

Liz's weekend could be made into an HBO miniseries.
R: Kind of like Rome? Flight of the Conchords? Big Love?
Liz D: Rich, the minute my life turns into a Flight of the Conchords episode, I will call you to film it.
R: LOL! Ok.

Liz wants to design movie nights for a living.
Liz L: You should! And let's do the Vicky Christina Barcelona one!
Liz D: We need to find a friend who plays Spanish guitar. :-)

Liz just realized she has to use 14 vacation days before July!!! If only the airline fairy would leave a ticket under her pillow.

Liz is taking off EVERY FRIDAY in April!! Anyone feel like playing hooky?
Mat: Don't forget that's my day off!
Liz D: What are you doing for Easter? I'll be heading down first thing Friday morning. Might go to Kenny's reading in Brooklyn that night.
R: Maybe?

Christmas Wish List

2009-12-08T20:48:04Z

Ahem. HOW IS IT ALREADY DECEMBER 8???

If you haven't already got your holiday shopping finished [mom], here are some things I have a yen for:

Birthday Party stuff:

The theme this year is Flashdance Electric Boogaloo. Mix CDs of great '80's dance music would be fantastic. So would any accessories or items of nostalgia people have lying around. Snoopy Sno-Cone machine, anyone? A functional lite-brite set? Or a refrigerator box for breakdancing. Also, referrals for skilled breakdancers.

I would also love blue Christmas lights, since mine burned out.

Housey stuff:

It would be kind of nice to have an outdoor table for my porch.

I adore the folding table I have (that opens out in two big leaves and stores four chairs inside), but it is about one clumsily placed beer stein away from total collapse. So I should probably think about replacing it.

I received a great storage solution for my movie games last year, but now it's overflowing. I am fantasizing about getting some kind of floor-to-ceiling wooden cabinet with letterbox size openings, that would hold about five big flat envelopes.

Light jars - still think they're a cool idea - they store up solar light all day, and glow for six hours at night.

Candles - Christmasy or otherwise

I am totally enamoured with these Dalidecals I found on etsy.com last year: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=17705405
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15808218
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18121860
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18160981
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18163219 (I'd want them any of them in dark brown to match the molding, except for the poppies which I think look great in deep red.)

Cat toys to keep Milo from turning my apartment into one big cat toy.

Other stuff:

A Cooler - I have a teeny one, but a full-size one would be pretty rad.

Fun clothes for teaching dance in.

A good-sized tent - 4-person or more

A hookah.

A new portable stereo. I love the one my parents gave me in high school, but it's finally getting decrepid and finicky about what it feels like playing.

A calender

Subscriptions to Newsweek and Marie Claire

Massage at Inman Oasis in Cambridge

Yoga classes at Blissful Monkey in JP

Cookbooks

Books that you think I will love reading on the beach in Grand Cayman!

Photo albums for my photo shoots

Music I don't know I like yet. Or an itunes gift certificate.

A new ipod nano - I love the one I have currently, but it's about 3 years old and ever since an unfortunate incident in the rain, the on/off switch doesn't work, so I have to hit shuffle for go, and yank the headphones out for stop.

New headphones - sport ones that are relatively old school with the band that goes over the top of your head.

A GPS. I understand that this is becoming a human requirement? And it is my style to keep up with the Joneses of about five years ago.

Any Polaroid film that you, your loved ones and business associates might still be hoarding.

A ticket to Grassroots

Season tickets to the A.R.T.

A Vespa.

A country estate where I can grow and raise all of my own food.

A dance studio of my very own.

A bill of sale for The (old) Milky Way and all its contents.

Dance lessons from the choreographer of Sleep No More.

February 2008 seems soooo long ago

2009-11-25T17:23:14Z

Ugh. I just bought my ferry ticket for Long Island this weekend. It's like someone shot a harpoon at my wallet. But it will be so nice seeing Sherrill and everybody at her shower!

Here's what I was up to last February! Featured commentors: Julie Berenzweig, Rich Burns, Dave Chin, Alyce Clark, Shannon Daly, Jean Dendy, Jameel Haque, Katharine Hoyt, Mariko Kanto, Liz Laneri, Steph Luzzi, Greg Marano, Zach Minton, Kristopher Moreau, Brad Reed, Susan Rubin, Jen Toth, Darin Wolpert

Liz is amazed the human race survived the Victorian era.

Liz says, not even in prison is that tatt cool.

Liz: Here is my actual 1994 prom photo, y'all.
Liz L: OMG I LOVE IT!!
Jen: Memories!! Did I do your makeup? Is this the prom where my bird died while I was helping you get ready?
Liz D: YES! This was Friday the 13th, your bird died, and Dave Pollenberg got in a car accident, I think. Someone did. Not only did you do my makeup, you were there when I completely freaked out because I realized I had no idea how to do my own hair. I think I threw a scrunchi in anger. Also, I would like to point out that I am wearing flats. To a prom. Dork! Oh, and little known fact: I weighed 3 lbs. more than my date.
Jen: Haha!! Oh my God, yes, the hair! I remember this!! Come on, those flats are classy. I'm still shocked that Jeremy wore like a regular tuxedo, not some blue ruffled type of number - or that he had on regular shoes, too. No Converse. Ahhh, high school. I think I was actually with you when you bought your prom dress, too. I probably was. My God, we were like sewn together for a while there.
Liz D: Yah, we were besties! That was J's grandfather's tux. And you *were* there when I boutht my prom dress and I was talking about how I weighed less than my date, and the salesgirl was all, oh, honey, just wait until he gets to college - he will double in size. Ahahahahahah. No. I just saw Jeremy a few months ago and if he has gained 10 lbs. in the past 15 years, I would be shocked and amazed.
Jen: How fun is that?? Where did you buy that? Was it called Charade? I think it was! Why do I store all this info in my head? I can't picture Jeremy being anything more than lean and tall (and in Converse All Stars).
Liz D: Hahahahahah! I think it WAS Charade. I was trying to remember the name - it was out of business by sophomore year. This is a dangerous game, Jen. I think I know where there is a tape of us singing Stay by Lisa Loeb.
Jen: Shut your mouth!

Liz says, let it snow enough to get sent home early, but not so much that it interferes with dinner/karaoke.

Liz is going to brave the snow in search of chicken cutlets.

Liz says all right already - 25 things that might shock and amaze you.
Su: Misslizzers. You win for most interesting "25 things" I've read to date. And I've read a lot of them. Still have yet to write mine. Oh, and I totally get the thing about feeling sad that so-and-so didn't tag me. OMG, how old are we? 12? yeah.
Ka: Ooooh, LJ! Would it be weird to be frenz?
Dar: A) IQ tests are bunk. Not in the way SAT tests are bunk, but still pretty much bunk. Creativity, sociability, and a whole host of other things are not evaluated by them, which is why you can have idiot savants with IQs >200 who can't get through the day unassisted.
2) Hulu.com puts The Daily Show and Colbert Report episodes for free the day after they are aired. It is a staple of my no-cable existence.
x) Live band karaoke is the shit. Performing For Whom the Bell Tolls in downtown NYC in front of a packed room of screaming people is one of my best memories. I keep looking for it in San Diego but can't find it.
A: Wow, that was so interesting, funny, insightful, thoughtful, inspiring, and makes me feel like rewriting mine, but would I be able to come up with 25 facts that interesting??? Hmmm, I'd have to take stalk of what has happened in my life . . . when I did it, I was just so focused on things I think about and not so much things I've done or experienced . . . I really enjoyed reading this . . . I WILL SEE YOU AT KARAOKE!!!
A: Oh, and I wanna find out how you make kahlua mousse!
Liz L: Yikes! Should have tagged you . . .
R: 26. I do not warn people when they are about to walk into poles, but I make up for it by giving them a clean pair of socks.
Kr: You should totally write a guide to etiquette for the 20 to 40 set. You should ask Anna to give you the name of her publisher.
Liz D: I like your thinking, Moreau. What's the going advance rate for etiquette writers?

Liz is still full from last night. Which is a euphamism for Liz got fat from last night.

Liz is the most relaxed she's ever been on the day of her class.

Liz has new found respect for barley wine.
Sh: I did not know it even existed. :-)
B: It's a rather sweet beer, very thick, heavy and alcoholic.
Liz D: I went to the Brazen Head cask ale fest in Brooklyn yesterday. Delicious! And it makes your head spin.

Liz thinks Coraline is lucky that wasn't a Greek mythe she was starring in. Or a DePalma film.

Liz: Thanks, dude! Yah, I feel like I just won Miss Congeniality.

Liz keeps finding pieces of Mr. Potatohead's anatomy, as though her house is the crime scene of America's first preschool serial killer.
M: LOL. I hope you can put all the pieces together & solve the "mystery."
Liz D: I've seen a lot of things in my years on the force, but ripping a pair of lips off a face with your bare hands and leaving in the middle of someone's bedroom floor is . . . just . . . sick.

Liz had to call the fire department because her new CO alarm wouldn't shut up. They showed up in their big shiny fire engine, sirens blaring, for nothing.
Jea: Oh my God, Liz, that sucks! I'm so sorry.
St: I've done that . . . twice . . . batteries were not good, but firemen? Very good!
Liz D: Hah! Don't I wish. No, I just had a very nice old fireman come and lecture me about the placement of my fire alarms and my total lack of an emergency exit.

Liz wonders if Henry Winkeler's pride is hurt every time something "jumps the shark."
R: I would say that the writer who wrote that episode of Happy Days has his pride hurt every time he hears something "jumping the shark."
Liz D: Yes, but maybe Henry knows deep down that a better actor could have carried it off. Like, if Hugh Jackman was playing the Fonz, maybe every year around Oscar time, people would come up to Academy Award winners, pat them on their backs, and say, "Way to jump the shark, man! Good luck topping THAT performance."
R: I think the collective memory of the average Happy Days fan would remember the thumbs up and "Ayeeeee!" rather than the jumping the shark episode. So I would imagine people on the street would bug (whoever played the Fonz) not so much about jumping the shark, but rather his famous catchphrase and gesture. I don't think a better actor could have pulled off the Fonz, whether Henry Winkeler was jumping the shark or bailing out Potsy, Richie, or Ralf, he always had the manner that could balance the chunky with the smooth. Henry Winkeler's performance of the Fonz is like a monkey, he has a demeanor that is kind and gregarious, yet can turn unnerving when threatened. So even if there was a more preposterous episode (Mork and Mindy spin-off aside), I think Henry Winkeler is one of the few actors who can balance the stupid with the cool, and the tough guy with the push over . . . Food for thought.

Liz is making the most squashtastic dish EVARRR.
Ja: Is it squash stuffed with squash compote floating in a sea of squash soup?
Liz D: No, that is the *squashiest* dish ever. I however am the proud recipient of the Fan Favorite Award at Iron Chef Jamaica Plain, secret ingredient: squash. For my squash and jalapeno risotto with fontina and a lake of pesto.
Ju: It was soooo good!
Liz D: Thanks!

Liz's last contact ripped, so she is wearing the glasses that make her naseous. She will be playing the role of seasick librarian for the forseeable future.

Liz was making the CD for her class tonight when her burner died and now she is ready to jump out the window.

Liz has a new plan: throwing the Geek Squad out the window.
Dav: Ugh. Just say "no" to Best Buy.
Liz D: Does Liz Doran have to choke a geek?
Dav: I refuse to answer on the grounds that I have a dirty mind.
Z: Forget Geek Squad they're a bunch of punks. What do you need for your computer?
Liz D: My CD burner died on me, which is a serious emergency, as I burn a disc weekly for my class. I don't suppose you have a working CD burner lying around that would be compatable with a Del Inspiron 8600 laptop?
Z: Yeah, I believe I can dig one up. When do you need it by?
Liz D: Seriously?? Um, before Thursday. Although I kind of need to decide before tomorrow morning if I'm going to drive to Jersey to buy Matt's laptop. How long will it take you to figure out if you have one?

Liz's coworker had better stop giving her chocolate in exchange for proof reading, or she is going to need prescription pants.
R: Or mom jeans . . .
Liz D: Don't even think it! High waisted pleating is for Republicans and fools.
R: LOL!

Liz is reading about the economic apocalypse.
G: Why would you want to do that? Just take some soma instead.
Liz D: But I can't _afford_ soma. Isn't that always the way?
G: You can't afford soma because of the economic apocalypse. See the vicious cycle?

The haps last January

2009-11-18T19:04:53Z

I am going to see Avenue Q tonight! Rachel is taking me for my birthday . . . which means that my birthday season is going to last an unprecedented two and a half months this year. Awesome.

Here's what I was up to in Jan. 09: Guest commentors: Hugh Beckett, Rich Burns, Dave Chin, Ima Klin, Liz Laneri, Jen Siegel, Jen Toth, Janet Wertman

Liz is teaching her first ever Nia class on Thursday!
Ja: Nia? I am intrigued.
Liz D: Nia is a type of dance that was developed in the 1980's as a backlash against high-impact aerobics. It combines elements of jazz, modern and duncan dance as well as martial arts and yoga. It's SO FUN. I'km teaching it at Spontaneous Celebrations in JP, which is kind of a hippie community center, so, perfect venue.
Jen T: No one will ever be able to say, "Oh, that Liz Doran, such a lazy bird." My goodness, you're awesome.
Liz D: Hah! Thanks. Yeah, I just talked to my mom, and when I told her I got home from my red-eye flight +3 hr. drive and had a dinner party a few hours later, she told me she's glad I haven't changed . . . and that I'm completely crazy.
Jen T: When I need tips on how to make the most of 24 hours in a day - or I should say, when I'm actually up to the task, I'll come to you for a rundown of a how-to. Good Lord, woman.
D: Congratulations!
Liz L: Holla! I'm goin' girl!

Liz is already working on next week's choreography.

Liz's tin lizzie has gone from hell to breakfast.
R: LOL. And Hell to Breakfast was still glad to see tin lizzie, the dingus, the L7, the melvin, the calico, and the gambo.
R: Oh, and of course, Toss a kitten . . .
Liz D: You're such a melvin, Melvin.
R: Tell me something I don' know.

Liz's brain sounds like an episode of the West Wing right now.
H: Mine sounds like an episode of The Hills.

Liz is going to have to break the news to cousin Lauren that tubs of icing are 3 for $5. THREE FOR FIVE DOLLARS!! We doing this.

Liz is relieved that at 30 she still has more energy than a girl scout troop.

Liz has a crush on Marisa Tomei.

Liz can't stop eating her cheddar-jalapeno-beer bread.
I: Just say no.
Liz D: Can't say no . . . mouth . . . too full.

Liz says, "Angelica. You must never tell untruths. Your lies hurt God. They make His wounds bleed and His angels weep."

Liz watches network tv commercials like someone who has lived in a log cabin for 50 years listening to nothing but NPR.

Liz never knew the Twinkie Defense was so sinister and is still a little weepy over Milk.

Liz is so good at snow days.
Jen S: Lucky!

Liz's brain is resistant to marketing.

I remembah last Decembah

2009-11-17T20:17:10Z

Whitefire can mock me all he wants, but archieving things is important to me and my future biographer will be so grateful.

Here is the month of December 2008 with guest commentators: Hugh Beckett, Rich Burns, Dave Chin, Bill Doscher, Mary Ferrara, Rebecca Glucklich, Geoff Gruetzmacher, Ima Klim, Liz Laneri, Matt Marrone and Jen Toth.

Liz is going to live band karaoke at the Milky Way for the last time ever and it's making her a little emo.
Ri: My Hallmark card is in the mail . . . seriously though, that stinks . . .

Liz is accepting applications from new karaoke venues. References, anyone?
Mar: The Asgard (in Cambridge). They have karaoke on Wed. nights.
Liz L: The Alchemist is thinking of doing it, using the Milky Way's former band!
Liz D: Wow, you're good! I was specifically told not to spread that rumor. God, I hope it's true.
H: Cafe 939 at Berkeley has live band but there is no booze for sale there.
Liz D: Wha . . .? BYOB karaoke? Can that be possible?

Liz can't believe she only has 20 days to make Christmas happen.
B: You make Christmas happen?!?! Wow, what a responsibility!
Liz D: Please, there's no need to thank me, the happiness of every good little boy and girl is enough.
J: Haha. I just peed a little.

Liz is watching the first snow fall by the light of her Christmas tree.

Liz is wrapping presents to the jubilant and atonal sound of Matt and the Mattlings inventing every Christmas song.
Mat: Are you serious? Yay!
Liz D: It's a holiday tradition!
G: Christmas borsht is the tastiest borsht of them all!
Mat: They're still on casette, right? We need to make them MP3s.
Liz D: Agreed! Work your magic.

Liz is on her way to see Bella Muerte . . . despite the lousy weather and her awful cold.

Liz is hoping people appreciate the kabillion hours it will take to upload all of these polaroids.

Liz has kicked this cold to the wall and is on her way to Nia.

Liz is off to bake cookies and make cards with the girls!

Liz is going to round out an awesome mental health day by swinging by the Milky Way.

Liz is going to get her Christmas shopping done so fast it'll break the sound barrier.

Liz scanned so many polaroids last night she actually feels hung over.
Re: You are a scanning maniac!
Liz D: No kidding! I should actually be able to upload J through L tonight. This feels like the month I got addicted to tetris and every time I closed my eyes I saw slowly descending block formations.
D: Heh. I remember seeing falling blocks when I looked at buildings.

Liz is missing some of the ghosts of parties past . . . hurry back to Boston, y'all!

Liz is sucking on a candy cane so large it looks like a prop from The Slutcracker.
I: Oh my!
Liz D: I know - I'm at the office trying to look professional . . . but I look a little too much like a professional working girl posing for a webcam, if you catch my drift.

Liz says health care is the gateway drug to socialism.

Liz is FINISHED SCANNING!! IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!

LIz hasn't dug her car out since the blizzard Friday.

Liz is happy with her rock star haircut.
D: Pix pls!

Liz says thanks for all the sweet birthday wishes!

A Year in Wall Posts

2009-11-06T19:49:21Z

At some point it came to my attention that Facebook really isn't searchable in any useful way - there's no way to archieve anything. So I started copying everything on my wall so I'd have it all in once place. The great thing about Live Journal is that it's totally archieval. So to celebrate my one year anniversary of my relationship with FB, I'm going to do a twelve-part series of wall posts under the cut. This is more of a present to myself than to my readers, but maybe some people will get a kick out of it.

And so I bring you November 2008!
Featured commentors: Liz Bean, Rich Burns, Dave Chin, Mary Ferrara, Rebecca Glucklich, Matt McKee, Jen Siegel, Adlai Wertman

Liz is joining Facebook against her better judgement.
Mat: Welcome, Dancer!

Liz is feeling vindicated, as Facebook caused her computer to crash within an hour of using it.

Liz is wondering if there are any decent late-night coffee places between JP & Somerville.

Liz is going to the Charles on Friday. Who's with me?
Ri: Perhaps?
LizB: Meh, prolly not . . . damn wrist.
Re: Oooh YAY!

Liz says, if tired were people, she'd be China.
Ri: What?
LizD: China has 1.25 billion people in it. I am 1.25 billion times more tired than you.
Ri: Oh, I apologize, I ain't the sharpest tool in the sed . . . little slow behind the eyes.

Liz is going to enroll in the Beyonce School of Dance.
Mar: Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no
Mar: Lyrics from "Crazy in Love" of course

Liz is going to have to kill someone if she can't find canned mangoes on her lunch break. Kill.
J: Wow, those are some strong feelings about mangoes!
LizD: You can relax! My search was . . . fruitful.
J: Fruitful! Ha ha ha!

Liz sanctions the marriage of Flour's bread and Lauren's hummus - let no man put them asunder.

Liz was just measuring you for your Welcome Back to the Paper Hat, Geoffrey.
D: Get a room!
LizD: Uh, there is nothing sexual about measuring the size of somebody's hat brim. Learn to dress yo'self before you wreck yo'self.

Liz is ready to gussy her up already.

Liz is gonna sit at the welcome table one of these days.
Ri: ". . . gonna sit at the welcome table when he comes!"

Liz is on her way to see Quantum of Solace at the Somerville Theater. Please make a note of it.
A: Duly noted. I will await your review.

Liz is compulsively youtubing parkour videos and blames Daniel Craig.

Liz is counting down the minutes until she leaves for NY.

Liz is feeling lucky to be alive because if she had gotten to the mechanic 2 min. later her tire might have popped off her car.
D: ???
LizD: Yeeeah. My dad put the snow tires on my car, and apparently one of the back tires wasn't screwed on tight enough. It's kind of bizarre that I was able to drive about four hours to Brooklyn and back, and then five hours on the highway before I noticed a problem. Even weirder is that there were no problems until after I brought it in for inspection. Maybe they jiggled a little somethin' somethin' to lure me back into the shop.

PMC folklore

2009-10-23T17:38:28Z

I learned something new today! So our sports teams are known as the Pine Manor Gators - which has always seemed strange to me, as we are thousands of miles from the closest aligator living outside of captivity. Also, what? I can't think of any sports an alligator would be good at. Except eating and unpredictable fits of aggression. Maybe swimming, but we have no pool. Anyway.

Today I learned that back when we were a finishing school for rich white girls (long before we became The Most Diverse College in the US, 95% funded by government aid and outside scholarships), that Pine Manor girls Looooooved wearing Izod shirts. So much so that local boys would say, "I'm gonna get me a gator girl!" when they came a'calling to PMC. Somehow the "gator girl" name stuck. Now I'm just wondering why we didn't try to get sponsorship money from Izod.

In other news, I done done it. I got my hair chopped off so I can impersonate whitefire in the Halloween wedding of uksubs. But they cut way too much off. I'm kind of bummed. I mean, it's a cute haircut, and I told her to please please not give me a demure Republican haircut, and she definitely listened to me there, but I showed her three pix in magazines of the length I was going for, and it's way shorter than that. At one point as she was cutting away, she asked if she could razor it up so it didn't look mullety. That's right, Hugh, you have a mullet. And I don't. Oh well, I actually donated 8 inches!

Of course, now I'm back at work and nobody has commented on the fact that I have 8 inches less hair, which means it must look really bad. Ugh.

Zing!

2009-10-08T15:56:37Z

marriedtothesea.com

My car has been making stooopid noises lately - a hearty "cluklunkah" in the back when I start it up. Also, on two occasions I turned the key and only the electrical system turned on - which leads Rob to believe it's a clutch issue. Grrreeeeat. Oh yeah, and I got a damn $40 street cleaning ticket this morning - my third in the past few months. I am hopping mad and just about ready to get me a Vespa and say screw car ownership.

I have a confession to make:

2009-10-07T21:08:52Z

Allandale, Boston's last working farm is less than three miles from my home and work, is more or less on my way home, and until last Friday I had never set foot in it. What the Hell is wrong with me?

I cook all the time. I pay way too much buying organic produce at Harvest because I believe it's good for me. I have even fantasized about planting my own garden despite the fact that I can't even keep a potted plant alive, because I love the idea of shortening the distance between field and table. And yet, I never wandered into a farmer's market until a week ago. Why? I blame my obsessive compulsive order.

See, I don't browse. I don't walk into a place and say Those are the prettiest eggplants ever! I'll take 20. I like to cook and I know how to make things come out the way I like them, but more importantly, I like to have a plan, and with the exception of eggs, pasta sauce, popcorn and salad, I exclusively follow recipes. It soothes me.

Since I can't do what normal people do and just, y'know, follow my vegetable bliss, I did what crazy people do: 1) I mapped out all the farmer's markets in the area by day so I'm not planning my life around the closest one. 2) I found an awesome list of what's available at one of these markets and more importantly *when* so I can actually plan according to the seasons. 3) I made a big ol' list - one item a day that I'm planning on cooking with. Half these items come from my stuff-that's-available list, and half come from my foods-I-should-be-eating-more-of list, which I have adapted from my Healthy Food Directory, which is a book Susan gave me years ago that I really couldn't live without. 4) Every day a new recipe! And if I miss a day, I have to cook two things, or else all this lovely produce will go to waste.

The most important part of this plan is that I not go bankrupt, so for the first time ever, I am actually making a plan for every morsel of food that I bring into the house. The crabmeat and cheddar dip Rob's mom brought over has been cooked into my eggs every morning this week (yum!). Next to the eggs, a salad I make every day with whatever vegetable odds & ends I have lying around. For lunch today I had leftover bok choy & tofu stir fry, with a side of borsht. Tonight I'm making vegetable soup and some hot chocolate with almond oil.

So these are the things that make me feel like I'm acting my age: I'm cooking like a grown-up, my roommate got us a cat named Milo who follows me everywhere, and thanks to Rob I actually know where my iron is because he *uses* an iron. It's mind blowing, really. Luckily I am tempering this with karaoke - twice this week! - and my busy social calendar. And there are the things that make me feel responsible but young and vital at the same time; teaching dance and having my weekly supper club. Hooray for balance!

Ooh, here's a fun game

2009-10-06T19:24:00Z

Since I kind of have Halloween costumes on the brain, here are a few pix I found on my computer. First we have Anna Nicole Smith from last year. And there she is again, being felt up by Elvis who is sharing himself with The Black Dahlia:

Unfortunately, the only pic I have of Pamela Anderson is in my old phone, may she rest in peace. And I don't have a pic of myself when I was Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. But two years ago I was a belly dancer, posing here with Shaun of the Dead:

Three years ago I went as Amelie from the photobooth scene. I wrote in French "Do you want to meet me?" The first part was on my hand, the second and third were on a placard around my neck, and the question mark was drawn on my belly. Ok, it was a little esoteric. But some people REALLY got it. I am hanging out with a dark angel and Betty Boop, and then I'm busting a move with Frodo:

People of the Internets!!

2009-10-05T19:35:50Z

I need your help! This Halloween I will be a grooms(wo)man in a costume wedding. Help me come up with a costume!!

I am not very clever when it comes to costumes. Well, I take that back. I am pretty great at coming up with costumes for theme parties; it's just that when I can be *anything* I am overwhelmed by options and I go through a total system shutdown.

Here are the parameters that make this particular event extra tricky: 1) I don't know what other people are going as. The groom keeps joking around that he will go as a penguin, but I don't know if he's serious. 2) The bride and her party are going as fairly generic things - witch, fairy, etc. - though I don't really know specifics. 3) I do know that the bride has asked her maids not to show more cleavage than she does. The bride has very sweetly said that I am one of the groom's people, so her rules do not apply, but c'mon, there's no way I'm going to try to outsexify the bride, that would just be obnoxious. 4) Ideally I would like to come up with something witty, but again, I don't want to upstage the couple of the hour. 5) I think I might be walking down the aisle with Chairman Mao. But I can't think of anything awesome that would go with that - though someone suggested Richard Nixon, which is not a bad idea. 6) Though I am a groomsperson, I would like to point out that I do not crossdress well. Though I guess one of those stick-on moustaches might be kind of hilarious if I was otherwise dressed as a girl.

I haven't gotten suggestions other than Nixon. Or maybe a roller derby chick, though I am pretty uncoordinated on skates. Since I am technically replacing Whitefire in the wedding party, I thought it would be kind of funny to impersonate Whitefire, though I'm afraid that would require getting a haircut and growing in some sideburns.

I would love to wear last year's costume, which was My Best Halloween Costume Ever, but it definitely breaks all the rules; I went to an '80's Halloween party and I dressed up as Pamela Anderson. I borrowed my friend's size EE bra, stuffed it with four pairs of pantyhose, and went out wearing only dance tights, tennis shoes, and a red leotard that looked just like a bathing suit. I had on a blond wig and a safety whistle, and for my walk down Mass Ave I wore a puffy orange vest that looked a little like a life jacket. It was SO TOTALLY AWESOME. The best part was that I went to a party where I only knew one person and loads of people thought that I actually was a blond with ginormous boobs. I wound up making out with Hunter S. Thompson to disasterous results (Interestingly, on Halloween 2002 I also made out with Hunter S. Thompson. Apparently if you are a chain-smoking gonzo-style reporter, I don't really put up much of a fight).

Needless to say, Pam Anderson is not wedding-friendly. I also went to a dead celebrity party last year, wore the same wig and boobs, slapped on a fake mole and went as Anna Nicole Smith. Again, not a woman you would want to associate with the taking of life-long vows.

Two years ago I was a belly dancer (partial nudity disqualification), and I went to another party as Flashdance - I wore a giant off-the-shoulder sweatshirt over some dance tights and a leo, taped up my feet and wore a welding mask. It was awesome, but NOBODY GOT IT. People of all ages were asking me: Why are you wearing riot gear? Are you a dancing robot? Suzanne Somers?

My ace in the hole is my authentic flapper costume, but somehow I lost my antique fur stole - either I misplaced it in a breakup or it was stolen by a closeted member of PETA. And it's a lovely dress, but I would definitely have to chop my hair off. Maybe it is time for a bob.

I miss you, LJ!

2009-09-23T20:08:41Z

Ok. Here it is. I miss the hell out of livejournal. I've never been great about posting regularly, but I reeeeeally miss settling in for a nice read. Partly the problem is that facebook is sucking away all of my idle internet time. The rest of the problem is that facebook is sucking away everyone else's idle internet time.

Don't get me wrong, facebook is the new cell phone, you can't really be human without it, blah blah blah. But there's no doubt that it is the netflix to the video store that is livejournal and that makes me sad. For most people (and thankfully not everybody, there are still some great people posting really interesting stuff on here!) facebook satisfies that little Notice me! urge that gets us writing in the first place. And it's great for keeping tabs on people. But it will never replace LJ in my heart.

Facebook is like running into a friend when you're trying to catch a train - Hi, love your sweater, bye. You're glad you've seen them, nice to know their general geographic location, and that they're among the living, etc., but it's not the same as sharing a couple cups of coffee and a long talk.

My big dumb excuse for the recent three-month lapse is that I was going to do a big ol' post with pictures . . . which means going home for lunch and uploading pix off my camera and writing an entry and also trying to eat something and it turns out that I will Never Have That Kind of Time. So no more excuses! It's text you're gonna get.

So a lot has happened since we last spoke! And eventually I will tell you all about it. Right now I have to go to a sculpture dedication. Ho hum.

Achewood Pt. 18

2009-06-23T20:39:33Z

Geez-o-man it has been a long time since I posted! The main reason for this is that for two out of the past three months I've been working shorter weeks, because for some damn reason they decided we are no longer allowed to roll over vacation time at work. It's been really nice hardly being here, but it sucks that I couldn't bankroll it into a long vacation.

Anyway, there is a lot to catch up on - too much for one entry. Suffice it to say since we last spoke, I have taught a slew of dance classes, made easily a dozen fondues, thrown 3 parties and a dozen dinner parties, seen 5 plays and one Aquarium, been in one cabaret, gone to a wedding shower and two baby showers, planned someone's Italian honeymoon, taken 3 trips to New York/New Jersey, one trip to the Cape, and one trip to DC, reconnected with one long-lost friend, hung out at a breakdance club, checked out the new Milky Way, and won at pub trivia! Oh yeah, and at some point I remembered that I own a digital camera, so I will be able to show you documentation.

But for now, gentle readers, I leave you with the latest installment of Achewood, another thing I dearly miss when I have fewer hours to screw around on the internet.

Achewood Pt. 17

2009-03-27T20:32:55Z

Before I head down to Wappingers Falls, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Hoboken, South Orange and back, let me tell ya about my week!

Matty came up last weekend for a therapeutic get-the-hell-out of Hoboken weekend. He showed up Friday and I made a big dinner, and immediately put him to work making oatmeal cookies. I wound up making three batches over the next four days and they were summarily devoured. America's Test Kitchen Cookbook does it again!

After dinner we had some quality drinking time at Boston Beer Works

- those are real live blueberries! -

and then went and saw I Love You, Man, which cracked me up. I am really impressed with Paul Rudd.

Saturday we went walking at Lexington and Concord, where I hid from the Redcoats

and we watched some Minute Men march off to war:

That night I threw an Economic Stimulus Party! This is totally going in my party-throwing book. Which means I should really get cracking on that before the economic upswing. I took polaroids of everybody making Employee of the Year faces, and then attached each one to a sheet of paper with the heading WILL _______ FOR FOOD and had people fill out their special "skills." Everybody made this little project their own, with stellar results! And now I have an art installation taking up a whole wall of my house.

I also collected $5 from everybody for a 50/50 raffle - so that helped cover my costs, and it also meant that lucky winner Maaaak got to go home with $40. And then Rebecca had the genius idea of holding a Montessori raffle where everybody wins something. Matt won a beer. Cousin Lauren won a free ticket to the Seven Deadly Sins Cabaret I'm going to be in. Rachel won a free Nia class. Kristopher had to dance for us, Elissa had to spell her name through modern dance, Shannon and Rob had to write and perform a four-line play, Jack and Rishi had to leg wrestle, Rich had to kiss Rob G, and Rebecca had to do her best impression of Christopher Walken performing Hamlet - you get the idea. It was a smashing success.

On Sunday Matt and Rachel and I had brunch at Centre Street, then he set up my new computer - I bought his old Mac; never thought I would make the switch, but his tutorial made me feel like I know my way around the new computer better than my old one. Score! On my way bringing him to the train, we were able to join the Milky Way funeral parade.

.

Afterwards, Sunday afternoon and evening hit me like a load of bricks, but everything's been ironed out since then and I'm feeling pretty great. And it's almost the weekend! My present to you is this month's installment of Achewood under the cut.

Spectacular spectacular

2009-03-20T21:07:26Z

It's been a banner week in Liztown! My parents came up to visit last weekend and I showed them a great time. Even though when they arrived I had slept for a grand total of 2 hours. Tactically speaking, I picked a really poor night to relive my college days - but I had a blast, so no regrets.

My mom took me birthday shopping - which officially marks the close of my Birthday Quarter. Ritual observations of my birthday last longer than Advent and Lent combined. I have a feeling the Pope would frown on this.

Around 3pm, we met my dad at my house and walked all the way to the South End. This should surprise no one, as the day they came up to see Whorehouse, we walked a minimum of 18 (eighteen) miles around Boston. Rob joined us as Seiyo for some lovely sushi. Then I took my parents out for ice cream, and the three of us walked (naturally) to the BCA to see The Quiet Infinite - an original play. The playwright, Brian Tuttle (I think that's his name) was there to address the audience. I loved it! I actually want to read it now, because there are so many great lines. It's the story of a couple living in NYC whose relationship is on the rocks. In the course of the weekend they are innundated by houseguests: her drama queen friend who just moved back from LA; his slovenly friend who seemed to be channelling Jack Black (these two were hilarious; the actors did an awesome job); her ex-boyfriend who is in town while taking a break from bumming around the world; and finally his ex-fiancee, who he calls in to make his current girlfriend jealous. The dialogue is great, the plot good and twisty, and while the heart of the play is pretty dark and dense, there is a great balance of levity throughout. The action takes place over the course of a few evenings and then one flash forward, and on the second night, they're playing running charades, so it literally becomes a three-ring circus of people; one team acting out charades, one team running in and out from another room, and one couple furtively conferencing off to the side. I'm in awe of someone who can write like this.

On Sunday, after our traditional brunch at Centre Street, we drove out to Lexington & Concord, and ultimately to Decordova, which was a big hit. Among other things they have a video installation that is particularly entrancing, and a mid-career exhibition of Tabitha Vevers, who blew me away. A lot of her work is really dark - one series she completed during the height of the AIDS crisis in Provincetown, where she paints beautiful mer-people, beached, with their tails devoured down to bone. Disturbing and unforgettable. I also loved this series she did where she would ask people to describe their dreams of flying in detail and then illustrate them.

Monday's supper club was great! There were 8 of us. Angus & Michelle brought Luna who was an angel. She is always adorable, but it was a mere month ago that she was over and running all over the place, and throwing a huge temper tantrum when it was time to leave. This time she kept wanting to look at books or count my coasters or play with toys and was totally chill. She and Hugh played with her baby karaoke mike and cracked everybody up. Also, I got to watch Hugh feed her flan which was maybe my favorite part of the whole night. So frikkin' cute.

And if last week was my favorite kind of cupcake, last night was a pile of icing big enough to face plant into. TWELVE PEOPLE came to my class!! This is double my previous record number of students. Mind blowing. Three people brought friends with them which thrills me to no end, because I would love for this thing to go viral; I can only do so much on my own. Rob came for the first time, EVEN THOUGH he saw one of my Nia videos at home, where Carlos Rosas is wearing a big red unitard and he is thrusting his package at the camera and talking about dancing with scarves made of crystal/grass and/or water, "If you can imagine it, you can do it." So that was a huge leap of faith he took. And on top of that he surprised me by bringing two friends! It was Christmas in March, all right. There were so many people, and so many of them were new, that I actually had moments of stage fright. But I made it through, and had a great class. I love watching people warm up to the idea of freedancing, and my goodness! people actually clapped after a few of the songs. I think I finally feel like a legit dance instructor.

Afterwards Rob and I went dancing with his two roommates and his friend, Dana, at '80's night at the Common Ground. As soon as I can buy myself an espresso pot for Friday mornings, I think I am going to make this a tradition. It was such a fun night! I've always liked the Common Ground for its lack of pretention and the fact that people really do come out to dance. I'm a big fan of '90's night, but it's been ages because it's hard for me to get there before the line wraps around the block. The music at '80's night is great, and enough people dress up for you to be pleasantly entertained by their ingenuity, but not so many that you feel like a big loser for showing up in street clothes.

One of the first things Rob ever said to me that made him catch my eye was that he totally knew places to go dancing on a weeknight. This was actually the first time we got a chance to go, but the boy delivered! They were all fun to dance with. Greg has some pretty awesome liquid moves. Rodolfo's signature move makes him look like he is trying to crash a Greek wedding. And Rob and I crack each other up, which is awesome. Really, if you can't laugh at yourself on the dance floor, you may as well go home.

At one point we were all taking a drink break, and Rob was like, oh go ahead, go dance some more. So I said, ok, I'm going to go dance with that guy, as I pointed to the biggest show-off in the place. The guy, apparently a regular there, is hard to miss, as he's close to 7 feet tall, positions himself right under this glowing shaft of light, and is not afraid to take up a lot of room. He also has pretty tight moves and a lot of signature flourishes. I marched right up and started freestyling with him. It was fun, and also exhausting trying to keep up. We got to talking - he's a professional ballroom dance teacher and I think he said he majored in modern dance at college. He was reeeeally complimentary and asked me where I learned to dance like that. I kind of shrugged and said, oh, y'know, around. I'm always a little nervous and in awe around people who have actual dance training. I'm kind of a sponge for dance moves, but I have no formal training. Well, ok, I had no formal training before I moved here, now I suppose I've picked up stuff at classes here and there, but I've never studied. And my Nia training counts and it doesn't. Nia is more of a philosophy than a set of moves. So when he told me I have to come back because he wants to dance with someone who actually challenges him, it was kind of a rush. I tried to explain to Rob - there's really isn't a lot of "professional recognition" in my "field." As there is no Nobel Prize in dance to be won, I am more than satisfied with the compliments of random dance instructor guy. Also, he might be able to teach me some contact improv, which is tied on my wishlist with learning to break dance, but is a much more realistic goal.

This week wins!! I don't know if I can top it, really, but I will sure try.

Over and out.

Matter over mind

2009-03-13T20:54:56Z

I taught Nia last night . . . and made negative $25. Sigh. It was bound to happen eventually, I guess, but it just feels like such a kick in the teeth. I spent a ton of hours learning the choreo, which for some reason was particularly difficult this week (I alternate weeks where I make up my own routines and weeks when I use the routines that come with my Nia cert). It felt like I was like trying to learn German . . . and then teach it a week later. Nothing was sticking in my head. In the end I put together a routine I was really happy with though - and Thursday rolled around and I only had one student, who prepaid a couple weeks ago. I've always at least broken even, so I was really unprepared for this. Ugh.

I feel pretty defeated today, but I have to say that last night at the end of class I was feeling elated. For one thing, I had a pretty good idea going in that it was going to be dead night, as I knew a bunch of my regulars were on vacation, or sick, or had told me days ago that they had conflicts; t's a much worse feeling going into Thursday morning thinking you've got half a dozen people coming and then having them cancel one by one all day long. For another thing, my one student was Rachel M, and we totally had fun. When she showed up and I said, looks like it might be a private class tonight, she was all clapping her hands and saying, YAY! So that made me happy - it would have sucked if she had been self-consious being the only one and then less likely to come in the future. Thirdly, DAMN! was that a kickass routine. When it all came together, it was really fun to do. The point being, Nia actually works, mannnnn. It makes you feel awesome, even when your money is going down the drain.

On a related note, I've been running again, and it really does make the stress melt away. I'm hitting the gym in the next 12 minutes to get my weekend started right.

Ooooh! And here's an important question: I want to get a really cheeky onesie for my friend's baby shower, but I am very picky. I don't want something that could be described as "darling." Also, they won't know the sex, so I can't get something too pretty, or too butch. What I want is something funny - but when I went on cafepress I was sorely disappointed. Everything was either about crapping, - OBvious! - making fun of relatives - LAME! - talking about how awesome the parents are - LAMER! - or saying things like, "I'm what happened in Vegas," or "Daddy just wanted a blow job." CRASS. Not cool. I feel like over the years I have seen so many awesome ones at places like Pluto (RIP) and now that I need one I can't find any. Oh also, I am totally broke (see above) which sadly rules out the majority of South End shops. Anyone have suggestions?

Mr. President! You shouldn't have.

2009-03-06T21:19:37Z

Thanks to Obama's economic stimulus package, there were 20 extra dollars in my paycheck this week. I feel like I just went to the movies with the president and he got me a huge tub of popcorn and a soda JUST FOR ME. That is rad!

Apparently not everyone wants Obama to be their boyfriend, though. I was in a Starbucks in Brookline this morning - believe me, not my first choice, but I am on a quest to find a halfway decent breakfast sandwich in Brookline on mornings I wake up there, and have thus far been thwarted - and I overheard a bunch of old white dudes bitching and moaning about Obama. I tried to pick out an actual *complaint* but it was stuff like, "And now he's got this STIMULUS PACKAGE." Eyes roll. "Yeah, tell me about it. Stimulus package." "Well, he sure stole that election." Not a lot of intelligent political discourse there.

What a week it's been! Friday was so money. Rob came over for dinner - through blind luck I made salmon that just melted in your mouth, with some pesto pasta and endive salad on the side. We finished in just enough time to meet up with everybody to go see Tragedy! the all-metal tribute band to the Beegees. Rob, I think, was skeptical at first. I could almost hear him thinking, "I'm not that crazy about the Beegees. I am also not that crazy about metal." However, the two *combined* are sheer brilliance. Whitefire had played me enough of their songs for me to be really excited about this show - the Beegees are actually pretty amazing song writers, once you slap all the cheesiness out of them with a big metal stick. The effect is hilarious and totally rockin' at the same time. What I was not expecting was the amount of pageantry involved. The three "brothers" take the stage wearing all white with sequinned accents. The larger, long-haired brother looks a little reminiscent of Ozzy Osbourne and has his shirt totally unbuttoned. The leaner brother has a thick black beard and hair in his eyes that looks completely sexy in a 1970's sort of way. Also, the two of them look like they stuck their faces down the barrell of a glitter cannon. The baby brother is on guitar and is kind of the silent partner, but he's also a tremendous showman. He chewed gum the entire time and bopped around wearing his pink "Time to fuck" t-shirt, climbed all over the drums, ran through the audience, hoppped over the back bar and banged on their gong. They had two back-up dancing ladies who were totally not fucking around. And they all managed to mostly obscure the large hairy shirtless drummer in the back. After their first song Brother #2 says, There is no need to applaud! We know you are DECIMATED!! They also referred to themselves repeatedly as The Greatest All-Metal Tribute Band to the Beegees in the Northeast Corridor! Their show is full of witty banter, ridiculous metal fables about virgins impregnated by demons, and kick-ass rock&roll. If you ever get the chance, GO SEE THEM.

After the show, Rob and I scooted on over to the Charles, and I really have to thank DJ Jimmy. We waltzed in there at 1am, I said hi to my friends, Jimmy spotted me and said, Liz! I know what you're singing and you're up next. Five minutes later he had me up there singing Lovefool. That is absolutely the closest I will ever come to being Ron Burgundy and taking the stage to play a little jazz flute.

The rest of last weekend was really chill. Had loads of time to putter around the house on Saturday, then got myself a pedicure in the South End - it's been a week and my toes still look so good I could cry. Headed over to Rob G's party which was really fun. Did a little dancing, did a lot of talking, watched some of my friends get uncharacteristically and hilariously drunk - one of whom was Whitefire, who then crashed on my couch. Midmorning we headed over to Myrtle for a brunch feast with Rachel and Rebecca - holy crap! We had quite a spread: Blueberry pancakes, omelettes with avocado, perfect home fries, sliced grapefruit, mexican coffee, pastries from Canto 6. Then Rachel saved my life by taking two hours to wrestle with itunes and burn me the disc for this week's class [My burner is DEAD. Fantastic.] The snow started falling and Whitefire and I rented Step Brothers - I cannot believe it took me this long to see it! I watched it two and a half times already.

The best thing about last weekend was having a Surprise! 3-Day weekend. Oh, snow days, how I love thee. Rob came over just in time to be snowed in which was lovely. Monday was such an awesome lazy day. Punctuated by supper club! Thanks to all of my die-hard members who braved the snow.

I am choosing to reminisce about the good times, rather than dwelling on the end of an era: The Last Karaoke Night Ever at the Milky Way, with special guests: The Nickel and Dime Band. God, what an amazing night. So many ghosts of karaoke past were in attendance. I really can't believe its actually over. It's just heartbreaking, really. I am buoyed only by the hopes that the new place will give karaoke a fair shake again, that The Nickel and Dime boys will finally get some other gigs together like they keep talking about, and maybe, just maybe, some insane lunatic will take over the lease in the old space, and maybe then we will have, gasp! TWO venues in Jamaica Plain. I don't think anything could quite compare, but I am daring the business powers that be to prove me wrong.

Achewood Pt. 16

2009-02-25T20:25:55Z

I am a little sad, because I am finally up to a point where I'm reading Achewoods that came out when I started reading Achewood. [If you think about it, it makes sense.]

Anyway, the next installment is under the cut. But first I will sum up the past two weeks or so by saying it has been a period of epic highs and lows. I had one of the lowest number of students for my class - and then I had one of the highest. I gained two pounds. Then I lost two pounds. I've been to many parties, most of which were lovely, some of which spiraled unexpectedly into ridiculous drama. There have been moments where I've walked the fine line of diplomacy. And there have been nights of great victory; Ben came to town! I made us dinner, we finally got a chance to catch up, and then I took him around Boston and brought together a whole lot of familiar faces from the cast of Hair. I got to babysit Luna Merry! For all of ten minutes. But still, she climbed into my lap and demanded that I read books to her and my little heart just melted. I won the fan favorite award at the Iron Chef Jamaica Plain competition! The common ingredient was squash, so I made a squash and jalapeno risotto with fontina topped with a lake of pesto.

I had a blind date that made me want to run screaming for the exit. And then I had blind date that was, just, awesome. Things can change dramatically overnight, I've always said so.

Enough about that.

Top 10 Movies in 2008

2009-02-11T21:48:21Z

At this time of year, when everybody is running around trying to see all the Academy Award nominees, I like to make a list of movies I actually enjoyed seeing in the 2008 calendar year. To hell with official release dates and Academy prejudices!

I saw 31 movies in the theater this year. Here are my top 10 faves:

1) Juno
2) Vicky Christina Barcelona
3) Burn After Reading
4) Slumdog Millionaire
5) Tropic Thunder
6) The Dark Knight
7) Rachel Getting Married
8) Happy-Go-Lucky
9) Wall-E
10) Iron Man

11) The Savages
12) Babymama
13) Quantum of Solace
14) Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist
15) Hancock
16) Hulk
17) Hamlet 2
18) The Changeling
19) Get Smart
20) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
21) Enchanted
22) Pineapple Express
23) Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
24) Don't Mess with the Zohan
25) The Day the Earth Stood Still
26) Cloverfield
27) Vantage Point
28) There Will Be Blood
29) Atonement
30) Wanted
31) The Women

Achewood Pt. 15

2009-02-06T17:53:50Z

It's been awhile since I've posted any Achewood. There are some gems under the cut.

But first I would like to announce that I had a whopping six people at my Nia class last night! Yay! It's not a ton of people, but it is so encouraging, and as the class grows I will be less likely spend Thursday afternoon in a blind panic as people keep calling to cancel.

Also, I am incredibly grateful for _any_ extra money I can get these days, as they just implemented phase two of our paycut and it is, well, I don't even want to think about it. I haven't seen a number that low in quite some time. Thanks, unbridled militaristic capitalism! Please, Obamsies, get us out of this mess.

In other news, I am heading out of town for a brief tour of my hometown, Jersey, and Brooklyn this weekend. If I haven't talked to you and you'll be around, hit me up!

25 things about me

2009-02-04T21:20:23Z

I spent awhile on this meme and people on facebook seem to like it so I'm reposting it here. If you're my facebook friend this is old news, but if not, enjoy! Oh, and post your own 25 random facts about yourself if you like.

1. My mom's family is 100% Italian and we are all happily a little obsessed with that; the other day my mom sent me the translation of my great great grandmother's notorized dowry from 1894.

2. My dad's family has been here for 16 generations - we fought on both sides of the Revolutionary War, I am somehow related to Daniel Boone, and my great grandfather was an egg inspector.

3. I spent my first birthday in the hospital because I was diagnosed with leukemia while we were on vacation. When we got back, my regular doctor said I was 100% ok. The second diagnosis happened on my patron saint's day, so my mother is convinced it was a miracle.

4. Most people know me as Liz, but if you are my parents, a younger relative, or if you met me at karaoke, or if you live in the vicinity of Philadelphia, you know me as Eby. That's because when I was all speaking in the third person back in '81, Elizabeth was too hard, so I named myself Eby and it stuck.

5. Apparently, also in 1981, I threw a complete temper tantrum one day and my mother, being my mother, said, "Elizabeth, why are you crying?" And I sat up and said, "Well, when you say no, it makes me sad. So I cry, to make you feel sad, too."

6. Despite all of that remarkable self-knowledge, I was a real brat as a kid. There are home videos that I would love to suppress. Also, my baby sister drove me crazy, and I used to swing her around by the diaper and call her "You bad bad baby!" And then once I was chasing her around the house with a ladle and she ran into a table and had to get stitches. I was a jerk. To be fair, my grandfather accidentally threw an axe into his brother's head when they were trying to knock something out of a tree, but a ladle is to the 1980's what an axe is to the 1930's, given the evolution of child protection laws.

7. I stealthily sucked my thumb until I was eight years old when I forced myself to go cold turkey. In the early years, I had a very involved system of thumb sucking involving numbers, hand positions, and my blanky. So I have been OCD since before I was literate.

8. I learned to read when I was 3 because my mom is a Montessori teacher and labeled everything in the house. I remember spelling "Wappingers Falls" (my hometown) correctly for my parents when I was about 3, and there was much rejoicing.

9. In kindergarten since I was the only kid who knew how to read, I had to be the narrator of our Thanksgiving play and the ringmistress of our graduation circus. I desperately wanted to be an Indian and a Unicorn, respectively, and it gave me a terrible case of preschool angst.

10. Despite the fact that I'm, y'know, BRILLIANT, I actually have a surprisingly low IQ. I don't know the actual number, but my third grade teacher didn't like me and told my mom that the kid in the class who was doing the worst actually had a higher IQ than mine, and the other kids were going to outstrip me any day. I graduated valedictorian of 8th grade as a big Fuck You to her.

11. I tend to tense and loosen my muscles in patterns. This is imperceptable to people around me, and sometimes I forget that I'm doing it, but I do it. Weird, huh? I may be a freak, but I am also very strong. The first time I can remember doing it was when I was three during a thunder storm to calm myself down. The first time I could remember being 100% tic free while I was wide awake was when I was on percaset. I don't tic when I'm lying in bed, but I also fall asleep within 15 seconds of laying down, so I kind of wonder if this is my body's way of staying awake.

12. I have a serious aversion to terrycloth. I am also terrified of mice - this is a *rational* fear, as my first winter in Boston they ate every single pair of my underwear. I hope I don't have to draw you a picture, here. My worst fear would be being chased by an army of mice through a tunnel lined in terrycloth. Someone call the makers of Saw.

13. I started reading poetry in 1992 to impress a boy. Little did I know that would eventually lead to a five year stint in the Dodge Poetry Program where I was eventually promoted to Poetry-in-the-Schools Coordinator. In all my time working there, there were only two poets who I felt like a blithering fangirl idiot around: Sharon Olds and Tony Hoagland.

14. I developed my current handwriting to intimidate a boy. I was ghostwriting a break-up letter to my friend's boyfriend, and I thought my stupid baby handwriting sucked, so I sharpened it up, and since then it's hardly changed at all. Years later I read a graphoanalysis book which posits that you can actually modify your personality this way, and in retrospect I actually believe that was true for me.

15. For awhile I was writing a ghostwriting blog - and I actually have resolved to write my first new entry in 10 months by the end of this week! Ok, now that I've said it I really have to do it. www.livejournal.com/users/love_hatemail.

16. I have biked across Iowa four times. I don't plan to do the whole ride again because I value the ability to sit too much.

17. I have been to five proms in my life. I am close friends with nearly all of my significant exes. And in one year in my early twenties I dated a guy who was twice the age of another guy I dated.

18. At times in my life I have aspired to be a ballerina, a whale trainer, the owner of a daycare center, a river rafting guide, a magazine publisher, a poet and a yoga instructor. At the moment I hope to one day open a dance studio and finish my memoir.

19. I've done some art modeling, mainly for art students and recently for the Footlight Club brochure. All very tasteful, although my best friend from high school has some illegal pictures lying around of 16 year old me.

20. The things that I'm best known for right now are things I've only been doing for the past few years. Karaoke 2004, Nia 2006, Acting 2007. Outside of a high school walk-on role, the first play I was ever in was Sleeping Beauty or Coma in June 2007. Since then I've done eight plays in a row.

21. I don't read the paper. I used to get my news from Comedy Central, but we don't have cable anymore so I don't even do that. I get my news from blogs and from splashy Newsweek cover stories.

22. The first time I sang with a live band was in Mexico when I got pulled onstage by the lead singer. That was six years ago, and I'm still penpals with the guy. The last time I was in Mexico he gave us the grand tour.

23. I have lived in London, and traveled quite a few times to Europe. My family keeps an apartment in Northern Italy that my great-grandfather was born in. I have been as far north as Nova Scotia with my parents; as far south as the Yucatan, once with my sister and once with Phil; as far east as Prague to visit Matty; and as far west as CA/OR/WA, where I've been a bunch of times, most recently this winter to San Francisco to see my cousins and friends.

24. I have thrown a party once a month for almost my entire adult life. Also, since I graduated college, I have kept a list of people I'm friends with that I update frequently. It's invaluable in building my empire! At last count, there are 89 people in Jamaica Plain alone who I would consider my friends (as in, we may not be besties, but I know who you are and I'm at least happy to see you). I also take polaroids at every party, and my polaroids have become one of my most prized collections.

25. I am about to go home for supper club, which is a weekly potluck dinner institution that I absolutely love. There will be 10 people sitting around the table a couple of hours from now, and thinking of the menu is making me so hungry I can hardly see straight: chicken scallopini, baked ziti, kahlua mousse, parsnip and celery root puree, shrimp scampi, baked sweet potatoes and beets with goat cheese, a peanutty Thai dish, and copious amounts of wine. Afterwards, we will be moving the party to the Milky Way, where I've been a regular every karaoke Tuesday since Feb. 2006.

Making things meme

2009-01-27T17:53:55Z

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me!

my choice. for you. this offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- what I create will be just for you.
- it'll be done this year. no guarantees when, it will be a total surprise!
- you have no clue what it's going to be. it may be poetry. I may draw or paint something (though I hope not, for your sake). I may make you a compilation cd, I may carve a monument out of granite, who know's? not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
- Why don't you go ahead and tell me when your birthday is. I am a big fan of birthdays. And deadlines.

the catch? oh, the catch is that you have to repost this, and repost right away. we can all make stuff and make someone's day a little bit brighter!

Hello, world!

2009-01-26T21:40:18Z

I'm 30!! This news is about a month old, but I'm looking at this past month as my entry process. I've been taking good care of me, living it up, and ultimately feeling really good about where I am in my life.

I had a solid two weeks off during the holidays. It took me 30 years, but I think I've aced holiday gift giving - giving signed and framed Achewood strips to four different people made things a bit easier. But in general I didn't feel the least bit stressed. Time with my family was relaxed and great. And then on Dec. 26 I flew to San Francisco!! This was the perfect trip for right now. I got to see my sister and the McAvoy girls all in one place, which was long overdue. We all stayed out in Sunset with Cara and Brandon. I spent early mornings out on their back patio working on my Nia routines [ I started teaching a class the week I got back!! The timing couldn't be better. Whatever Ok-I'm-30-and-capable-of-great-things energy I got has been poured right into that class and while it hasn't taken off numbers-wise yet, I am feeling more and more solid in my choreography, most of which I'm making up myself, and I'm getting steadily better at calling out the steps, which is the thing that used to stress me out the most.]

Cara works in an Italian restaurant downtown - Chiaroscuro. She's the pasta chef and the dish she invented - a caramelized onion pesto - is the best thing on the menu. I got to eat there twice! Once with Susan as a sort of birthday dinner, and once on a date with the guy I met New Year's Eve. We went to dinner and then saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was a nice night, but in retrospect, the only thing we have in common is that we both like to dance; a mistake I have made before and I'm sure I will make again. On the plus side, when we first met he guessed that I was 24, so that just felt like a big ol' birthday present to me.

When Cara was free we'd go site-seeing; long walks at Land's End and along the beach, checking out the Japanese tea garden and the Embarcadero. We made a couple of big family dinners and had a second Christmas where Lauren started pulling presents out of her carry-on luggage like she was Mary Poppins. On Cara's last day off, we all took a drive to wine country where I found the best late harvest ice wine I've ever tasted, and Susan made us all laugh so hard, Brandon had to stop the car in the middle of the road. I added a riff or two, but this is mainly Susan's masterpiece in which she explains the birds and the bees to my 19 YO cousin Lauren:

You see, Lauren, when a man and a woman like each other very much, he asks for her phone number. And then when the man and woman love each other very much, they get married. And then nine months later, the woman gets a BIG TUMMY ACHE and she has to go to the hospital. And the man says, Did it have to be on sports night?And the woman says, I f*cking hate you. And that's where babies come from!

Aaand then about 10 years later, they all go to Disneyland, which is where I spent my actual 30th birthday, with Susan. We spent 15 hours on our feet going on every single ride, and eating all our meals standing in line. The place was at maximum capacity but we still pulled this off! Including an hour and forty minute wait for Space Mountain, which broke down an hour and a half into our wait, and was magically repaired five agonizing minutes later and was TOTALLY worth the wait. The whole time I was holding onto my face to keep it from falling off and laughing like a five year old.

The other fantastic thing about California is that I know a bunch of great people out there, and got to see most of them. Got to spend some quality time shooting pool with Ben and Dana and Doug, made friends with the San Francisco Fire Department, got some great eats with people, and spent a totally kickass New Year's with an entourage of 10. The party was organized by the people who throw Burning Man and it was the place to be. Inside a 15-acre convention center there were 3 stages, 8,000 people, a hookah dome, art exhibits, body painting, men wearing chaps, women wearing hardly anything, burlesque dancers, aerialists and acrobats. It was a SCENE. And I danced until 4am. Thievery Corporation was headlining, but I liked BLVD the most - their sound reminded me of a cross between Daft Punk and The Faint. Afterwards we chilled out at Ben & Rachel's until 6am. My kind of party!

I took the red eye back to Albany, drove home on a Monday afternoon, and had a raucous supper club that night, with special guest Andy O'Brien!! Who I realized hasn't been in my house since the 13-hour brunch in aught 3. I hope to see more of him now that he's firmly situated - and holding public office - in Maine.

When my mom heard that I had 6 people over for dinner the day I got back, she laughed and said, I'm so glad 30 hasn't changed you! And you are completely insane.

One thing that has changed is that I have homework now! I spend a ton of time working on my class and - shocking! - can't go out every single night. I'm also sitting out the current cycle of plays. But it's totally worth it. I'm dedicated to this class growing and actually making me a little bit more money - good timing, as everyone at my work just took a pay cut - and in general, I'm feeling really fulfilled by it.

Two weeks after I got back from CA, I had my 30th birthday prom!! I was planning it for a solid three months, and it went off without a hitch. The morning after, as I was mopping the Footlight Club, it struck me that it feels weird to refer to the party in the past tense, and I wonder if people have similar feelings about their weddings.

The night was a great success. 55 people made it out, despite blizzard conditions! My sister came up all the way from Philly! Cousin Lauren made six delicious lasagnas AND her roommate made several pounds of peanut butter sugared dates. Lauren and I also made 75 cupcakes. The spread was impressive; lasagna, green beans with a ton of butter and several heads of roasted garlic, salad with dried cranberries and grated asiago, roasted garlic hummus, guacamole, clam dip, peanut butter popcorn, dates and cupcakes. It took about five boxes to move my bar in, but we managed it, and thanks to some generous contributions, we had plenty of beer and Hugh kept the mulled wine coming.

There was a garden seating area with a canopy of Christmas lights, thanks to my many helpers (honestly, it is such a coup that I never even climbed a ladder or cleaned a dish, and I am eternally grateful to my amazing friends!!!). I created a little living room pod with couches and a tv playing The Simpsons on mute. The living room was walled off with a sheet, on which we projected dance scenes from '90's movies - Rachel M spent countless hours putting that together for me, and I was sooo excited about it! And we were able to dance until about 3am to Zach's sweet '90's tunes.

I organized a select group of friends to work as the Prom Committee - sitting in half-hour shifts in the foyer, taking coats, taking the $5 donation, and snapping polaroids, which then got placed in a photo guest book that people signed like a yearbook. I heart that book. On the cover I put a picture from my actual freshman year prom in 1994, with Jeremy Davis, looking resplendent in his ponytail and his grandfather's tux. And Matt Marrone, my actual senior prom date, made it all the way up from Jersey! and was a lamb and helped me with a lot of the grunt work.

I wore my actual senior prom dress - blue sequins, short skirt, and timeless enough that I still look forward to wearing it in this millenium. Andrea was a total sweetheart and gave me the updo I always dreamed of back then! And Bridget, who couldn't make it from Maryland, sent me a corsage to match my dress!

People looked amazing that night! - all my beautiful ladies in their finery, and my college girls dressed exactly as I remember them freshman year at Drew. Rob bought a tux for this event!! And Mike busted a move in his as well. Sheryl and Larry came as Tonya Harding and the guy who clobbered Nancy Kerrigan. Liz Z came as Tracey Flick - so clever! Noah came as his 1994 self - in pajamas and carrying a teddy bear. And Angus and Michelle brought my youngest and most adorable guest - Luna. She is a year and a half old, and once she stopped screaming and watched a little of The Simpsons, she spent the whole night dancing in her little flamenco dress. And cousin Lauren's friends came out in force, infusing the dance party with new life late in the night, and then cleaning the shit out of the Footlight kitchen, leaving it neater than it was when we found it.

So now I have officially arrived. I'd be lying if I said there aren't moments when the thought of being 30 isn't a little terrifying. But I keep announcing my age like it's excellent news! And I'm starting to believe the hype. I was really great at my 20's, I'd say, so all the "Life begins at 30" comments didn't hold water. I was afraid I'd turn 30 and feel like I got fired from the 20's Corporation. But instead I'm feeling like I got promoted in my life, and they gave me a corner office. Rock on.

Oh yeah, and the other night I had my first erotic presidential dream ever! That Barack Obama - what *isn't* he good at?